


Bram Stocker's What we do in the shadows

by Strange_doll_from_Hell



Category: What We Do in the Shadows (2014), What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, F/F, F/M, Families of Choice, Foe Yay, Foursome - F/F/M/M, Grief/Mourning, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Torture, Jack the Ripper Murders, M/M, Multi, Mummies, Original Character Death(s), Period-Typical Racism, Polyamorous Character, Threesome - F/M/M, Wendigo, bad reanactment, not historically accurate
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-27
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:48:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 29,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21984700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Strange_doll_from_Hell/pseuds/Strange_doll_from_Hell
Summary: Guillermo learns more about his heritage from Nadja, Laszlo and Nandor.
Relationships: Laszlo Cravensworth/Nadja, Laszlo/Nadja/Bram Stoker, Laszlo/oc, Nadja/oc, abraham van helsing / Nandor (one side)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 20





	1. The Chain of Destiny

**Author's Note:**

> Since Van Helsing was declared as canon in the WWDITS universe, this idea refuses to leave me. A lot of historical freedom, error in the dates and reference as a tribute to the book as well as to the adaptations of it will be in that story. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! Also, sorry Mr. Stocker.

-Guillermo? What are you doing?

Guillermo almost jumps out of his skin. 

-Nothing, master. Nothing important! he said as he tried to shut down his web pages.  
-So, can I see if it's not important?  
-Well, I mean...  
-Is it pornography? I don't mind you having fun in your spare time. I'm actually reassured that you...

Before Guillermo could stop him, Nandor had managed to see the search pages.

-Oh. You're doing research on Van Helsing.  
-Master, I can explain! said to horrify Guillermo.  
-No need. I suspected it would happen...

Oh no, that was just about to happen! The showdawn finale: the mighty vampire warrior prince against the vampire hunter's legacy, once friend now foe!

Nandor approached him.

-I don't know how you found out, but...

Guillermo was paralyzed not knowing the best course of action: Attacked? Explained? Hoping at the foe yay was a real thing?

Nandor made the decision for him.

-You're safe, he died over a century ago and has no known descendants," said the vampire, giving him a clumsy hug.

-What? Wait a minute, he's a real person? And the book is that... 

-Shh! I don't know which familiars told you, but I think the best thing is for the main witnesses to tell you the real story.

-Nadja, Laszlo!

-What do you want? -Asks Nadja.

She was seated on the sofas with Jenna snuggled up, leaning her head against her shoulder and Laszlo with his head lying on her lap. All three werent watching a movie,comfortably installed.

-I need you two for Guillermo...

Laszlo had a mocking laugh.

-Vampires need familiars, not the other way around Nandor. Unless you're celebrating a fool's day again? he says without even looking up from the screen.

-It's about Dracula, Nandor said coldly.

The effect was immediate: Laszlo left Nadja's lap and Nadja also got up leaving a surprise Jenna.

-Why do you want to talk about that bloody book? ask Nadja.

-Well, it seems someone told Guillermo that the book was based on real events and the poor 's completely terrorized...

-I'm just curious actually...  
-No need to pretend, hushing him Nandor.  
-So what? It's not our problem and it's private! scream Laszo.  
-What's private, porn star? asked Colin Robinson.

Nadja sighed as she saw the energy vampire appear and growled for herself:  
-All I wanted was a bloody evening with my darlings.  
-Nadja, I'm sorry but I'm curious too, is Dracula based on a real story? ask Jenna.  
-What?" asked Colin Robinson, who seemed surprisingly intrigued.

Laszlo turned to his wife and said:  
-I don't think they will leave us alone about this story.

Nadja scolded but finally said:

-All right, everybody set up, including you cameramen. We're going to tell this bloody story once and for all and then you leave us alone!

-I'm curious why the two of you knew so much," said Colin, unaccustomed to being in this position.

-Because we dated Bram! shouted the couple exasperated.


	2. What They Confessed: A Low Comedian's Story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So before we start, some definition of Victorian cockney slang+ French:  
> Thimble-twisted:pickpocket  
> Rhino: spoils of theft  
> Cours Classique: equivalent to high school, with a strong religious background.
> 
> Historical character used or named: Jonathan Swift, a guy who thought it would be funny during the potato famine to send out a humorous pamphlet telling the Irish that they could just eat their kids since they're making too much anyway...There's have no class and there's that. Henry Irving is a famous Victorian actor for whom Bram Stoker worked and who may have been an inspiration to Dracula.
> 
> Have a good read :)

Nadja and Laszlo sit with everyone around them including the cameras.

-All right, let's do it.So it might take a long time, but the director said that at worst they will do reenactments with young local actors, said Nadja.  
-It was the second half of the 19th century, Nadja and I had settled down in London. It was the place to be at the time. The center of the world, the greatest economic power of its time...  
-Laszlo, keep your nationalist boner to yourself, cut him off his wife.  
-But it's true!  
-It all started when we went to that party thrown by that theater troupe with Rose-Mary, Nadja continued.  
-Rose-Mary? asked Jenna.  
-A dear friend who was snatched from us far too young, says Nadja melancholically.

Laszlo then took Nadja's hand to held it with comfort. 

-I miss the little thimble-twisted too.

Nadja took a deep breath (more symbolic that aything else). 

-Finally, Nadja started again. -Finally, we're enjoying the party...

Flash-Back

-Good evening.

Laszlo turned around to find a man who appeared to be in his late twenties or early thirties, slightly nervous with red hair and beard.

-My name is Abraham Stoker, but my friends call me Bram. I'm Mr. Irving's assistant...  
-I'm not interested, Laszlo said coldly.  
-I'm sorry, what?

Oh dear, that was embarrassing. Laszlo could have danced on his heart rate.

-Boy, you're cute, but you're not my type. I prefer people who know what they want, not someone who feels nostalgic for the handjobs from du cours classique. But good luck, and for your information, Henry'll will be screwing a ferret after seven drinks.

Present

-Laszlo, that was so mean! Jenna said.  
-The future will prove that he liked it when someone was a little mean to him, Laszlo defended himself.  
-Did you sleep with Henry Irving? Colin asked.  
-Like half of London," Nadja replied. -It wasn't even that memorable.  
-Truly ordinary but it's like when you go somewhere and they only have bad beer; we all prefer champagne or good wine but hey if that's all there is to it...  
-Could we go back to when you met Bram Stoker, please...ask nicely Guillermo.  
-We're getting there. Hell, your familiar is impatient, Nandor, complains Laszlo.

Flash-Back

-May I sit next to you, miss?

Nadja turned around to see Stoker by the table when she was settle down.

-No one's stopping you that I know of.

That's all it took for him to get to her right away.

-My name is Abraham Stoker, but my friends call me Bram. I'm Mr. Irving's assistant...  
-And you came looking for comfort in my arms after my companion pushed you away?  
-What? I don't know what you're talking about...  
-Don't be embarrassed, Lucius can be a bit temperamental on occasion.

Present

-Lucius? said surprised Jenna.  
-Well, baby. If we keep using the same names and staying in one place too long, people start to wonder. So, most of us tend to have aliases.  
-Nadja and I each have our own system for choosing them. I take first names beginning with the letter L and my surnames are all from noble families with whom I have a more or less close lineage.  
-For my part, I prefer to use first names that end in A and I take local surnames where I am.

The revelation then struck Guillermo violently.He points to Nadja and Laszlo before he says:

-Wilhelmina Murray and Lucius Westenra.  
-Congratulations, Guillermo, smile Nadja while Laszlo gaving some slot applause. 

He supposes that he could see a certain resemblance even though it had probably softened for the public at the time: Mina, the brunette of modest origin, intellectual and strong capable of managing a group of individuals. For sweet Lucy, Laszlo didn't fit so well except for the English rose aspect...But vampire Lucy with her aggressive sexuality and manipulation for example fit well. Maybe the Copola movie was more faithful than he thought...

-Can we resume?  
-Oh off course, i'm sorry!

Flash-Back

-Too late, I am, anwers Bram.  
-Well, in reparation let me see if I can convince my fiancé to change his mind, Nadja smiles at him.  
-Fiancé?  
-Oh please, don't play the frightened virgin. I saw you take off your wedding ring.

Bram had the good reflex to shut up and she went to find Laszlo.

-Darling, look what I found, Nadja said, pointing at Bram.  
-The Irishman? Oh, is that so? He's not even a virgin!  
-At this party full of people, the two people he's trying to seduce are us. I find that interesting.  
-You know how I feel about human male.

Present

-They're terrible in bed.  
-They are not," shouted Nadja, Nandor, Guillermo and at least one camera man.  
-Most of them are. Of course, there are exceptions: those in the sex industry, the repressed ones and those who have just won a revolution. And believe me, Nandor, that's the only reason Washington made you scream out his name! I mean the baron had no genitals and he gave me more pleasure than some male humans equipped like donkeys.That means something!  
-What category did you belong to when you were human, Laszlo? Colin asked. -You won a revolution or you were repressed?  
-He did volunteer work, mocked his wife.  
-I prefer to say I take after my mother.

Flash-back

-Come on, it'll be fun. And when's the last time we had a handsome redhead like him?  
-Fine, I hope you know it's only because I hate saying no to you!  
-Wonderful! Get a carriage, I'll just tell Rose-Mary we're leaving.  
-Last time I saw her, she was under the refreshment table with a gentleman.  
-Thank

Nadja went to the table and raised the tablecloth.

-How's it going in here?  
-Nadja!

From under the table had crawled a blonde woman with big blue eyes and an equally big smile revealing her fangs.

-Are you having fun?  
-That's pretty good. I got myself some customers and some rhino, so I'm jolly gal!  
-Good, good. Me and Laszlo are going home with a guest for dinner and games. You don't mind?  
-Nan. I'm a big girl. Have a good time. Who's the lucky one out of curiosity?  
-Irving's assistant.  
-Oh you're going to need this then," she said, going back under the table to come out with a wallet.  
-Rosie, you're incorrigible! said Nadja more amused by it that anything esle.  
-Nadja, he was so stunned by the two of you, it was impossible not to let my hands wander. But I don't want him to be unable to help pay for the carriage.Anyways, it's no big loss. And the guy I drank has gold teeth. I'm just waiting for someone to make enough noise so I can remove his mandible.

Present

-Ewww! said Guillermo in disgust.  
-She grew up poor, defended her Nadja.  
-I hate to agree with Gizmo, but it's a little tacky. It's like people who sew up their clothes so much that 50% of the fabric is patches. It probably less expensive to buy a new shirt at this point, says Laszlo.

Flash-back

-To Carfax Abbey, ordered Laszlo to the coachman while Nadja drags Bram into the carriage.  
-Carfax Abbey? That big house where these horrible crimes and scandals took place? Near the asylum? ask Bram.  
-The family was ruined and they turned into a really fancy boarding house.Why ? Are you afraid some sexual pervert will make you their plaything?Or that a wandering soul takes hold of you in the night? Nadja asked amused as she started to undo his collar to lick his neck.  
-Not really, Mina, I just thought this would be a good place for a story.  
\- A story? Are you a writer? ask Nadja.  
-I've published some texts, mostly romances and gothic tales.  
-Oh really? Could you name something we'd read? Laszlo said as he entered the carriage.  
-If you read The Shamrock or the London Society, it is quite possible...

Laszlo had a dry laugh. 

-Do I look like I read Irish or relaxation magazines?

Nadja was going to give up Bram's neck to tell her lover to leave him alone but the Irishman was faster.

-You look like you'd prefer to be read to.  
-What are you implying? ask coldy Laszlo.  
-Maybe you'd rather be told a story that you're tired yourself to reading. Nothing wrong with that, Bram smiles innocently.  
-If we play Scheherazade, do I get the same consolation prize? smile back Laszo.  
-Are you going to fight or better yet, fuck each other in this carriage, gentlemen? said amused Nadja.  
-I can wait till I get home, Laszlo replied.  
-As you wish, said Nadja resuming her exploration of Bram.

When they finally arrived, Nadja went down first.

-I'll go unlock the door, you can pay in the meantime, holding out his wallet to Bram.  
-My wallet!  
-You had lost him in the caleche, more fear than harm.  
-All right, I can...  
-Already paid, said Laszlo.

The men follow Nadja into the house.

-We've got the whole east wing to ourselves, come on! continued Nadja.  
-Thank you, Lucian, for paying.  
-It's okay, I guess you can only afford so much...

Bram grabbed his arm and dragged Laszlo in a kiss. He let himself go until Bran felt a sting and a salty taste in his mouth.

-Ow! Said Bram, noticing that his lip was bleeding.  
-I'm sorry about that, said Laszlo as he wiped the blood from the Irishman's mouth and brought it to his own. -You're definitely not a virgin. Let's not keep the lady waiting too long.  
-Of course, replied Stoker, who seemed more excited that anything else. 

When Bram entered the apartment, he was shocked: 

-God, it's like a museum in your house!

-I'm glad you like it. But I think I'm more interested in hearing your opinion about the bedroom, Nadja says sensually.

She smiles at Laszlo, who bars the door behind them.

-With pleasure!

When the three arrived in the room, Bram turned to the couple: 

-Let me help you get into something more comfortable...

He was unceremoniously pushed onto the bed by a half-naked Nadja while a Laszlo took off his last clothes.

-You're strong and... fast," said the surprised Irishman.  
-Don't worry, lamb. We'll make stay as long as we can, smile Nadja.

Present

-I'd like to remind you that the documentary is pg-13.  
-Fine!

Flash-back

Bram lay in bed, sleeping peacefully in the big bed. Nadja and Laszlo to his right and left respectively seemed to be in shock.

-Is it just me or... was it really good? Like surprisingly good.  
-It's not just you. I told you, you're too severe, if the sexual energies are compatible...  
-I still think he must be repressed or he sees his publications as his personal revolutions.  
-That's not really the point right now. The real question is what do we do with him?I think it would be a shame to kill him.  
-You want to keep him as a pet?  
-Or hobbies on the weekends. I'm not too fussy about the denomination.  
-I confess I don't hate the idea of sharing a lover.

Present

-Thinking back, it disappoints me that we're not know about the Baron," Laszlo said sadly.  
-It's true, knowing what we know now would have been different, confirmed Nadja.  
-How did Mr Stoker react when you told him you were vampires? -Jenna asked.  
-He was... a little shocked? replied Nadja with a vague hand gesture.

Flash Back

-FUCKING HELL OF SATAN BALL SAC! MARY JOSEPH JESUS AND ALL THE FUCKING ANGELS WHAT THE HELL? scream Bram.

He was getting dressed fast while the vampires were still in bed. Nadja had put her blomers back on but otherwise had only her hair for modesty. Laszlo was as naked as the day he was born.

-Calm down darling, it's all right, says softly Nadja. -We not gonna hurt you.  
-But change the language. I can't believe I let you use that dirty mouth on my... No, actually that makes sense, recognised Laszlo. 

-Oh, I'm gonna die and go to hell... And my reputation will be ruined! Stoker continued in horror.  
-Bram, sweety. You can sit down, take a deep breath while Laszlo pours you a drink or I can slap some sense into you. Do you have a preference? asked Nadja.  
-...Can I just have the bottle please?  
-But of course. Laszlo, do you remember where our last familiar's stuff was?  
-It must still be in his room, let me see," said the vampire putting his chemise, but not taking the trouble to tie it.  
-Familiar? Bram asked. -What's this?  
-Are you curious now? Laszlo laughed as he handed the bottle to Bram. 

Bram didn't answer, preferring to drink the rest of the bottle bottoms up. 

-Want to prove some stereotypes? Laszlo asked as he watched his descent.  
-I think the situation allows me to overdo it without calling everyone in Ireland a drunk. I'm not calling you a useless idiot who thinks he's funny as hell over Jonathan Swift.  
-Touché.  
-Abraham, we've really enjoyed these last few hours with you. It's one of the reasons you're still alive. And I don't think you hated the experience either, smile Nadja.  
-But consent and trust are important, that's why we told you the truth and we will respect your choice if you want to stop things now, concludes Laszlo.  
-...thank you for the truth, but I think I need to think about the situation.  
-We understand.

Bram then walked to the door and left the residence.

Present

-15 or 20 minutes later.

Flash-back

The doorbell rang and Laszlo put on a dressing gown and went downstairs to see.

-Well, well, well, but what do we have here?  
-It's raining, I don't have an umbrella and I can't find a carriage, said Bram.  
-You want me to get dressed and come help you?

Bram didn't answer and looked at the floor. Laszlo had a laugh before he settled down and declared:

-Welcome to my home! Enter freely, go safely, and leave something of the happiness you bring!

Bram entered without further ado and followed Laszlo to the room where Nadja was still, reading a book.

-Look what the cat dragged in!said Laszlo, making advancing Bram with a slap on the back.  
-A poor little mouse all wet, gently mocked Nadja, placing her book on the dresser. -Why don't you get out of those wet clothes?

Bram obeyed enthusiastically and joined Nadja in bed.

-What made you change your mind? when she let the Irishman catch his breath after a long kiss.  
-I think it's too late for my soul and...I confess I'm intrigued by your nature. Just lay low for my wife's sake, ask Bram.  
-Promise will be kept, ginger, said Laszlo who had joined them.

Present

-And this was the beginning of a Ménage a Trois that lasted what... Six months? ask Laszlo  
-At least two years, maybe even three. I'd have to look at the dates, anserw Nadja.  
-What a voracious whore he was, smile Laszlo.  
-A bit hypocritical of you, isn't it?" mocked Colin.  
-Maybe it says a lot about Bram's love of lust if We make this reflection, smiles amused Nadja.  
-I had vaguely hoped that it was you who had corrupted him," said Nandor confused.

Cut to Guillermo alone

-Oh my freaking god, what the hell kind of thing were you doing Mr. Stoker? -Shout Guillermo has a picture of the author on the novel Dracula.

Return to everybody.

-So that's it? You were a threesome until you broke up with him and he wrote a book using some of the details inspired by you? asked Jenna.

-I wish it were that simple, but the worst is yet to come, says Nadja.  
-Let's just have a drink before we go on," said Laszlo. -Makes me thirsty to remember the whole thing. -Yeah, me too!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) Say hello to Rose-Mary, the oc.She's here for a reason, I swear. Whether you like her or not, she dies eventually.  
> 2) For those who wonder where the poor opinion of Laszlo's human males comes from...Is well, it was said that he doesn't like Nadja's human lovers (it seems a bit hypocritical since he himself has many human lovers.) But if you except the porn actors, there are only women among Laszlo's human lovers. So this is my headcanon.  
> 3)There's a debate among historians as to whether Bram Stoker would have been bisexual...since everyone on this show is, let's just say he is too.  
> 4) If you're a fan of the novel (I'm on the same level of fangirl as Guillermo with Anne Rice's books), you're going to see a lot of winks and references. Have fun, other people who don't care... have fun, too.


	3. The Primrose Path

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this chapter has a lot of cockney (it's the one with the most cockney in the whole story) so prepare yourself mentally. Also I am 1) not English speaking, 2) not Cockney, 3) not born in Victorian times and 4) I am for example dyslexic. So, I apologize to all the Cockney's, I did my best (I used 3 guides on Cockney's and 2 on Victorian slang).The lexicon is the end.  
> It has a description of a sexual act (between consenting adults) for the purpose of comedy. Also quick mention of sexual assault, necrophilia and child abuse (not shown, described or implicated be acceptable, just mentioned).

-Can we get back to it?

-Of course, said Nadja as she wiped the blood from the corner of her mouth.

Flash-Back

Nadja and Bram are installed in the bed, Nadja comfortably curled up against the human reading a document. She starts laughing before turning to him: 

-I love it. It's excellent!  
-For real?  
-Yes, I think you're very talented. You should really publish this story. And it's good that you're experimenting with other kinds of literature.   
-Well, I'm glad to have at least one person who loves my work. And I'm glad you thought it was funny, but I think most people would think she belongs more in a Penny Dreadful.   
-People are too sensitive. The important thing is that it's read, right?  
-You're right," said Bram as he kissed her, before they rolled into bed together.

Laszlo then arrived at the apartment.

-Good evening my love, you want to take a look at Bram's latest news? It's a hilarious story about an iron maiden, Nadja asked.   
-Maybe late. I just found this in our mailbox, Laszlo said, giving Nadja an envelope.  
-What's that? ask Bram.  
-Vampire business, Ginger, Laszlo replied, still stealing a kiss to the author.

Nadja opened the letter and read its contents, its changing expression as she realized the seriousness of the situation. 

-The Baron Afanas is in town!  
-What? ask Laszlo. -What's that for? ask Laszlo suddenly interested.  
-He wants to make another attempt to invade America and ...WE ARE AMONG THE FINALISTS TO BE CHARGED WITH THIS ONE!!!!!  
-At last! The world recognizes our greatness! This is our chance to get our rightful place and reign supreme over the American," Laszlo exclaimed as he grabbed his girlfriend for a kiss. 

Present

-You sound like a super-villain, said Guillermo.  
-I'm a blue-blooded man, not a peasant!  
-He means an... evil genius? Jenna try.  
-I am indeed brilliant, and I suppose the cat must seem cruel in the eyes of the mouse. 

Flash-back 

-Congratulations to both of you," says Bram.  
-Thank you, Ginger! What do you say you join us in celebrating? I bought a little something I'm saving for a special occasion...  
-Laszlo, don't sell the bearskin before you kill it. There's over a dozen names besides ours, some are worthy opponents!  
-Like who?  
-Well, let's see...Mircalla Karnstein, she's not just anyone.  
-You can defeat her easily.I'm not worried!  
-Ok, what about Ann, Pollybird and the rest of the nest?  
-Talented but not serious enough.  
-Jeremy d'Azzo?  
\- Normally, he'd be a problem, but I have it on good authority that the Baron is angry with his maker. He'll take it as a last option if nothing better is there. If that's the selection we have, I don't see why you're worried.  
-OH BLOODY HELL!!!! No, no, no, he can't be serious? scream Nadja.  
-Who? The mans ask.  
-Fucking Raymond Gilbert!

Present

-The worst vampire ever! said Nadja.  
-Satan's crab in person!said Laszlo.  
-Aren't you being a little dramatic? Colin asked.  
-NO!  
-He really wasn't a good person, Nandor says. 

Guillermo alone.

-I really love my master, Nadja is nice on occasion, Colin Robinson may be annoying but it's not like he has a choice and Laszlo...has good hygiene. But they are morally... different from humans. What the hell did this guy do? Wait, I'll see if I get any hits by googling his name.Ah, a result! French, military, 15 centuries, aristocrat, oh legend!

Guillermo reads silently and began to look horrified.

-Mother of god!

Back to the group

-So we were a little depressed because no matter how much of a scumbag this guy was, he was just as powerful and influential and our laws were a little bit fuzzier at the time, explaine Nadja.  
-And even today, they still are! Okay, changing a baby, not my best idea, I know. But that baby was dying and I thought it would be fun to be a parent. Unfortunately, I wasn't ready, so I figured it'd be better to give him to someone who could take care of him properly. If I could have gone straight to explain my situation, I would have. I would have even paid a small fee for it with no problem! No, you don't! You don't do that kind of thing. But in the meantime, Deacon Brucke can go join the Nazis and come back afterwards with a sad face saying it was a mistake and even be accepted into the Vampire Council without even a slap on the wrist?  
-Effectively, without wanting to excuse my husband for his dumb decision, it's quite maddening. Because let me tell you that he has a LOT of children who suffered during the war! And the thing that it was to help our cause, of course it was going to work, it's not as if it had Jewish vampires, bohemian vampire, not European vampire, homosexual vampire or even handicapped vampire...WAIT, THERE ARE A LOT OF THEM!!!!!!  
-There are vampires with disabilities? ask Jenna.  
-I know several blind vampires, I know a deaf too, Nandor began.  
-There's also this lovely girl from the Philipines. What's his name again?  
-Sicat, anwers Laszlo.  
-Thank you.When she was human, her legs don't work. And some asshole decided it would be fun to change her to see the effect. Can you imagine that his special power is to be able to split in two? And there's the strength of two vampires in her top half. Sure, a familiar is important enough for her but she can hunt, kill and defend herself.  
-And the girl's amazing with her hands, said Laszlo.  
-Laszlo! But it true.  
-She seems to be an inspiration to everyone, but can we get back to your story?  
-Patience, I think this information is important for the documentary! If my situation is explained, I could get public support for the horrible injustice I have suffered! said Laszlo.  
-Or give the procession of shame that people like Deacon Brucke deserve, hoisted Nadja. -But anyway, let's start again: we were a little depressed so we decided to take our minds off it...

Flash-back

-Laszlo! Oh Laaaszlo!!! Las...Darling, what's wrong?

The vampire raised his head from between Nadja's thighs.

-I'm sorry, my sweet baby. You want faster? Slower? Maybe I should use my hand...  
-No, that's fine. I want to know what's wrong with you?  
-There's nothing...  
-Laszlo, you lick me like a sad little puppy that's afraid to only get kick for dinner. What's wrong? 

Present

-Can you tell Laszlo's emotional state just by the way he... kisses you under your skirt? Nandor asked.  
-We've been together for a long time, just says Nadja. -I know the difference between happy Laszlo, sad Laszlo, angry Laszlo, annoyed Laszlo, bored Laszlo, give me attention Laszlo, horny Laszlo, head elsewhere Laszlo, tied Laszlo and the one I love and hate at the same time: I really screw-up and I try to put you in a good mood beford you learn it Laszlo.  
-What can I say, I put a lot of myself into my love-making.

Flash-back

-I can't accept it and I don't want to accept it! I can live with the idea of Jeremy or Mircalla being put in charge, but Raymond Gilbert? It's not fair!  
-Since when is life fair? And maybe the Baron will choose someone else...  
-Do you really believe that? He's experienced, he's powerful, he's gained many advances for our species and no one cares that he's a disgusting being! This is our 5th attempt to conquer America, they're not playing nice anymore!  
-Nadja and Laszlo, I'm sorry to bother you, but...  
-Not now, Bram, we're talking about something important!  
-I figure it's a big deal since i have my dick's in your ass and you find a way to ignore me.  
-Speaking of which, who told you to stop moving? Maybe if someone puts a little more energy into it, I'll give it some attention, Laszlo asked curtly. 

Bram took Laszlo at his word and tugged at his hips strongly with a slap for good measure. Laszlo made a surprise sound before saying with a smile: 

-Much better. But not our situation.   
-We still have a chance even if it's slim. We just need a foolproof plan," Nadja continued, running her hand through her lover's hair.  
\- And what do you propose, my dark princess?Laszlo asked as he returned to explore Najda's thighs.  
-I need to think about it but I see some possibilities.   
-But what else do you thinkoOOOO!!!!  
-Let's focus on the moment, boys, said Nadja as she brought Laszlo's head back to where she wanted it.

Everyone gets what they're looking for (in order: Laszlo, Bram and her). Nadja threw a robe to Bram so that the man wouldn't catch his death if he wanted to stay in bed with them. He quickly fell into the arms of Morpheus and Laszlo was not far off either.

-Come on, it's time to get in our coffins.   
-Five more minutes please, I'm fine where I am, said Laszlo snuggled himself of his girlfriend.   
-You're going to be grumpy tomorrow you won't be able to sleep well, warn him Najda.  
-No sense, I'm will be fine.   
-I swear, between you and Rosie I might as well... Rose-Mary! That's it!   
-What?  
-Rosie, that's our solution!

Laszlo opened his eyes, confused. 

-Love, I like her too and she's more proactive than a lot of vampires I know but she won't be a big weight in the balance. She's barely 60 and I'm sorry if I sound snobby, but she's just a kid from Soho.  
-It's not herself but what she can do that will help us, smile Nadja.

Present

-My plan was to get in touch with Vladislav, who was the companion of the vampire who turned me. I never had good contact with her, but I got along with him. He's also very close to his maker, Petey, who's as powerful as the Baron. He also changed a German count who is Laszlo's cousin, explain Nadja.  
-We're cousins in the fifth or sixth grade, I've seen it like twice, felt compelled to point out Laszlo.  
-The important thing is, we could ask for their support and have a better chance against Raymond Gilbert, concluded Nadja. 

Flash-back

The next evening, Nadja, Laszlo and Bram had gone to Piccadilly Circus to a small shop decorated in bright colours.A Latin woman opened them.  
-Good evening, we've come to see Miss Radcliffe, said Nadja.  
-Miss is with clients...  
-She called her by her real name, not March, says Stoker dryly. -It's not just anyone!  
-Come on, she'll be done with her dutty soon, right? We'll wait in her apartments upstairs, just say Laszlo. -What did Miss Radcliffe say about us?ask Laszlo.  
-Mr. Cravensworth, Lady Nadja and whoever they deem trustworthy are always welcome in her home.  
-That exact. But Abraham, don't be too hard. She's just trying to do her job, said Nadja. 

The young woman withdrew and let them pass.

Present

-I think I need to explain a little about who Rose-Mary Radcliffe was," says Nadja as she passes pictures. -She was born in one of the worst neighbourhoods in London, into a family of ranimators.  
-Necromancers? Jenna asked excitedly.  
-No, body snatchers, explain Laszlo. It's lucrative but risky. Also, one of the trades where if catch only the seller is punished, not the customer. The father got caught and then the family struggled.   
-She did what she had to do to survive. Pickpocketing, conning, vagrancy. She was good, but her luck always runs out. She ended up in prison, which is always fun when you're a poor girl.And worse was yet to come.Maybe It will be if explains how we found her?  
-Let do that.

Flash-Back

-I really don't like sailors, they always taste horrible," Laszlo complained.  
-We need to diversify our hunting ground, Laszlo. Try to find younger ones if the taste is too acrid for you, Nadja scolded him.   
-We could at least have gone to Witchapel if we were for eating junk food," Laszlo continued.  
-Stop being a baby and come!

Laszlo grunts but obeys. Suddenly he started feeling weird. Like something's watching him. He didn't like it, normally he was the predator. Rather than join his wife, he preferred to try to find the intruder.

Nadja, on the other hand, had found a sailor who could calms her hunger.If Laszlo didn't want to eat, he could sulk and blame only himself when he got hungry later.  
Who's she kidding? He's a spoiled little brat who often forgets when the real world works...but he's her spoiled little brat who she hates to see suffer (or any case, not without an equal dose of pleasure). 

-Laszlo, Laszlo? she tried to call him by the Ether.  
-Why do you call me when you're next door?" Laszlo asked.   
-Laszlo, what are you talking about? I'm in an alleyway with the body of a dead sailor.   
-...Oh shit!!!!

All that Nadja heard was a scream of Laszlo that she heard in Ether as in the physical world.   
She turned into a bat, rushing to her lover's rescue. She found the source, a slightly open warehouse. The howls of wild beasts were only confirmed it. She rushed in to see Laszlo struggling with something. 

-Hey, asshole! Leave my lover alone!!!!!

The thing abandoned Laszlo and Nadja could contemplate it. 

It was pale and scary thin, probably female. The hair was of an indefinable colour thanks to the dirt, the long and chipped nails held more claws, the clothes the thing was wearing consisted of an old nightgown that didn't hide much by its wear, a pair of boots and a man's coat clearly both too big. But it was the face that shocked Nadja: the red and yellow eyes reflected nothing but seemed to want to devour the world, the dry mouth showed sharp teeth coming out of bleached gums and finally the neck had many burns that did not heal well because of the silver chain around the neck. 

-God, baby, who did this to you?

Nadja's compassion shocked the creature enough to let Laszlo get up and hit her in the head with a crate.  
-Laszlo! What did you do?  
\- How the hell does it look like?Defend myself against that animal!I think she punctured my eye!  
-Look at her, that animal likeyou say is just a hungry, scared and wounded little vampire! And let me see! It's just a black eye. I'll be fine in 20 minutes. But we can still put ice on it if you want...says Nadja . -Do you think you can carry her anyway?  
-Or we can just lock her in here.  
-What?No, we take her home, you bloody idiot! She needs help, look at the sad state she's in.Someone starved and tortured her!  
\- I don't want this in my house!  
-Well in that case my dear...GOT TO FIND YOU ANOTHER COFFIN WERE SLEEP !!! shouted Nadja as she picked up the vampire.

Laszlo growled and swore but followed his lover.

Nadja brought the vampire back to their home. After some hesitation, she decided to put her on the bed but attached one of her wrists to the bed rail.

-You're comfortable enough to bring her to our house but not let her loose?" Laszlo laughed.  
-If you're ever right, then it'll be easier that way, recognized uncomfortable Nadja. -Look at her, who knows the last time she ate.

Laszlo sighed before asking:

-I think we have one virgin left. You want me to go get him?  
-What?  
-Just answer before I change my mind.

Nadja smiled and nodded. Her companion went to the cellar to look for the precious blood. A can about the time, the girl was coming to.

-What the...

She suddenly realized she was in an unknown place and her wrists were tied. Most people would have been terrified. The blonde was angry. 

-Let me go, you fucking Ratbag!  
-Oh a cockney, wonderful, Laszlo sighed.  
-You got a problem with that, flapdoodle puff?

Laszlo's eyes turned red and he rose angrily.

-You lucky I don't hit women without their permission. Mind you, woman, that's quick to say. I had to differentiate your back from your...  
-Laszlo! scolded him Nadja. 

Laszlo growled one last time, but fell silent.

-Oh your Wagtail keeps you on a leash, laughed the woman.  
-Only when the mood takes us.You for example, that's another story, Nadja replied. 

Remembering her situation, the vampire started struggling again. 

-Child, if my strong, healthy lover can't break them, you think you can in your condition?

That stopped her cold and she sighed: 

-Fine, you win. You want me to scream pretty?   
-Just that you eat for now and explain what happened to you.

Najda brought the cup to her face and with a motherly tone of voice asked: 

-Don't you want the yummy blood we got for you?  
-What kind of dog are you trying to sell me?  
-No, no, it's not dog's blood...  
-She thinks you're lying to her," Laszlo explained.  
-Oh Merry-go-round speak my rhyming?  
-Pound needed to find out. The seamstresses in the West End give you better service if you ask for it in their languages.   
-Thank you for talking fancy a my mother.

It was subtle but Nadja could see the girl lower her defenses and Laszlo seemed proud of his new role as translator. 

-Would it make you feel better if I drank the first one?  
-What about me? Laszlo asked.  
-That was all the reassurance I needed. Give me you're flicker!

Nadja brought the cup to her lips and the girl swallowed with obvious pleasure.

-Are you feeling better?  
-Like I'm in Attitude! That butter upon bacon you're thing!  
-She likes it a lot, Laszlo explained.  
-If I give you another one and release one of your hands, could I have your name and how you ended up in this situation? continued Nadja.   
-Sure, lady. Rose-Mary Radcliffe and you?  
-Rozemarin? ask Nadja.  
-Haha, that's it. Even though my brothers are named Basil and Percy and my sisters Saffron and Cinnamon, laughed Rose-Mary.   
-I hope you're mocking us, Laszlo said coldly.  
-I do have a brother named Basil, but my parents aren't fancy enough for the rest. What's your name and of you're trouble? she continued while Nadja untied her wrist.  
-I'm Laszlo Cravensworth and this is my sweet lover Nadja.  
-He's not your ball and chain, for sure?  
-We've been together a long time, but no, answer Nadja.

Present

-You weren't married? Jenna asked surprised.  
-We've been called herself lovers and in fiancés since the beginning of the story, why do you think that was?Poetic freedom? Laszlo asked.  
-I was at their wedding! Says Nandor proudly.  
-Oh, at least I know why you wanted to put me in a cage," said Jenna.  
-Well, my only experience with young vampires had revealed them to be unstable little brats, so better safe than sorry.  
-Rosie and you, that's all," Nadja laughed. -And yes, you're pretty undisciplined and overexcited at first.  
-You locked me up, bouda Laszlo.  
-I threatened to lock up a part of you. And the one time I almost did, you whine so hard I gave up.  
-I didn't whine!  
-We can look at the memory if you want.  
-Later! Says Laszlo a little too quickly. -Let's go back to the story! 

Flash-back

-So you know who did this to you? Nadja asked, freeing her second wrist.   
-Well, I and several others have had the Mutton shunters pick us up. Bad luck I ran into a beak who realized I was a pretty Kate.  
-More insolent than intelligent because it is known that the judges are more tender with the young lady in flower, Laszlo laughed.  
-Whatever. The just-ass sent me to jail. So that claw for breakfast and be a Hedge-Creeper for fucking gibface for bread that is not moldy. Fun time!   
-I understand. It's not easy situation, said Laszlo compassionately.  
-You understand, smash-feeder? Rose-Mary asked with a dubious look.

Even Nadja seemed surprised.

-Ladies, I went to boarding school!

Present

-Why does everyone always look at me when I explain this? Come on, this not a new information! Jenna, I'm fine, I don't need a hug!

Flash-Back

-Then this mumbling cover came off. He wanted a girl: early 20s, fair hair, light eyes, healthy. Guess who was taken?  
-So this vampire... started Nadja.  
-That flapdoodle? That a ladd, well he's probably sitting for like a girl. Let just said i'm bedding he'd probably make your flicker look like piss. But then again, if what's left of innocence of me is safe, I wasn't so sure about the rest.I mean, I could've given that jackanapes a hard time if it came to it, but the ratgat kept me handcuffed. We ended up on a funny farm and he tried to explain, who knows why.  
-What did he want? asked Nadja.  
-Well, the puff told me that although my sex and kind it was incapable of having an opinion but only repeated that of others while always having one that would be contrary to logic. I know who's got a fancy word for his bullshit...  
-Oxymoron, anwsered Laszlo.  
-Moron for sure, china!  
-Mates, he explained this time to Nadja.  
-Well, Oxymoron tells me he needs my blood to heal his sick fiancée.  
-What?  
-I was confused, too. My health and beauty would be wasted on my race, but I could save a lady worthy of it. Ewwww. But he needed my Claret!  
-Oh, his fiancée's is vampire. It's cruel, but I can understand. He just wanted to feed her..  
-Nah, geeza. He wanted to do penny come quick. My claret against her! The little porcelain doll would be brand-new. 

Present

-What? asked almost the whole room.  
-You're not saying..." began Guillermo.  
-That's exactly right. And people think this passage is stupid because of the lack of knowledge about blood types. Honest mistake, but that? said Laszlo.  
-I don't think if Bram had written the truth, people would have believed him.  
-Van Helsing did this? ask Guillermo, horrify.  
-Of course not! He was a clever man and a worthy opponent! Nandor shouted.  
-And it happened about 40 years before we met him," says Nadja. -Like we said: Bram just took bits and pieces and created his own story.

Flash-back

-Let me be sure that I understand and that it's not just your charming picturesque expression: An educated person thought that he could transform his fiancée back into a human was to empty her of her blood and replace it with yours which was totally human, Laszlo asked slowly.  
-Adam an' Eve i' awer not, believe i' awer not, if I'm lying, I'm gon'a 'ell !  
-AHHH, it hurts! His stupidity hurts me. I need to learn that his parents were brother and sister and that she drank all through her pregnancy to make it acceptable, Najda complains.  
-Adding significant head injuries, just to be sure, says Laszlo disgusted.  
-Hehe, you two are fun! Rose-Mary said, reminding them of her presence.  
-How about you? ask Nadja.  
-What abaaaht old me?  
-You're here.

Rose-Mary growled and ran her hand through her hairbeford talking:

-I saw her. She looked like nums and habbits.  
-Having rabies, explain Laszlo.   
-Well-found expression, says Nadja.  
-She and I, they hurt each other just as much. The bobtail, he could yell that push and shove, but that a deep fat fryer. She didn't like hin before she was a vampire and she didn't like him more after.He destroy da doll!  
-How about you, Lass?  
-I'm gonna look like blunderbuss.  
-You can't do worse than the fiancé, smiles Nadja.  
-I didn't wanna die. When the other oxymorons left me alone with so much to do with the princess, I'm trying to retract the claret that mugger from her. Tried to put it in my arm but it was too weak so I drank it. I passed out after that. You're cuddle and kiss awoke in a uncle Ned.  
-A bed.  
-...with a guy humping my leg like a london fog.

Present

-It's getting worse and worse," sighs Jenna.   
-Oh baby, I'm sorry, said Nadja as she hugged Jenna. -Would it make you feel better if I described to you in detail how she ripped him to pieces?  
-...I'm fine. But more power to Rosie.  
-Greast.

Flash-back

-So I'm naked, in this Malmsey Nose's shack. I decided to mug his silverware and his booze because the Missy deserves it after the last few days. Fucking moon burned my German and I flay the river ouse.   
-Sorry, sweetie. The silver will burn you, but you've still got the gold and the jewels, said Nadja.  
-What if I want a lily?  
-Bite the first lushington on the side, says Laszlo.  
-Then what happens next?  
-I got Gert and Daisy. I didn't bo-peep well, ended up locking myself in the closet to fall sooty and sweet. So hungry, I must have bled everything I found in his house: his cat, his canaries, even the spiders and flies. I stole his weasel and his bamboo, try to find a place to crash. Think I can dead lurk, but I couldn't get in! The fucking door was open but I was like a bird against a clean window.  
-Ah, yes, it's bloody annoying, but you can't go anywhere uninvited, explain Nadja.  
-Who makes these stupid rules?" Rose-Mary shouted frustrated.  
-There's a debate about where we come from, but it seems... Oh, that was rhetorical, Laszlo realized.  
-Gonna said yes, my dead loss! The little pearl has to survive, not all ya rich like you two.  
-He was born a nobleman.I'm a gypsy, said Nadja coldly.   
-Travelling people? Explains the lovely accent. Must be a funny story, you two...  
-That's why you attacked me, I look funny? Laszlo asked coldly.  
-Nan. Like i said, i was gonning gert, so i just think i need help. Your cuddle has begun to hear a lot of housewife choice. Right said fred or alive, that not good. See stuff to...  
\- Indeed, said Laszlo, who started to stand in front of Nadja.  
-What? ask Nadja.  
-She heard voices and hallucinated, Laszlo said by the ether.  
-But I'm not a mutt!scream Rose-Mary  
-It's just the Ether! She opened it by accident and just heard and saw the vampires around. We were just the closest. You're not crazy, she said nicely.   
-Ether? What again that time?  
-Spiritual world, collective consciousness or the closest thing to the crap mediums sell, Laszlo try to explains.  
-Well, how do I close this?  
-Just stop concentrating, said Nadja.  
-Bulllock, do I look sharp to you?

The couple looked at each other before they smiled amused.

Present

-As much as having a unique special power can be fun, you should never underestimate a power that is an overpowering version of a natural power that we all have," explained Nadja.  
Flash-back

-Thanks you again, miss March.  
-You're welcome, madame. I hope the spirits have answered your questions.Mimi will show you out, says Rose-Mary's voice with an accent reminiscent of Nadja. 

As soon as the client left, Rose-Mary rushed into the adjoining room.

-Chuckaboo!!Suddenly screamed the cockney vampire as she jumped into Nadja's arms.  
-Good to see you, too, Rosie, said Nadja kissing her on both cheek. -What was is poor excuse of my accent I heard?  
-Don't be angry, it's worth his weight in gold. Just exotic enough without being threatening. Better than my rabbit.   
-You'll like it less when one of those old church bells wants to introduce one of his nephews who's not so spoiled by nature by talking about your tropical ovaries, said Laszlo.  
-Laszlo! Happy to see you too! And...Bram, smiles the vampire. -Nice to see you too.  
-Miss Radcliffe, the Irishman blushes.

Present

-Exactly how many vampires has he slept with? Guillermo asked frustrated.  
-Someone's jealous or what? Nadja asked.  
-No! But it's wrong to fetishise someone because of their race," Guillermo defended himself.  
-They can fetish me all they want as long as I have the last word," smiles Laszlo.  
-So Mr. Stoker and...ask Jenna.  
-Remember that part in the novel where Jonathan is trapped by three beautiful vampire women, two brunettes and one blonde who want to use him as a sex slave? Well, let's just say it's based on real-life events. Except that one of the vampires was male and Jonathan was actually in to it, smile Laszlo.  
-It was almost his birthday and he had found us this old girl who thought that just looking into the eyes of someone of the opposite sex made you a whore. Delicious! We thought he deserved a little something and asked Rosie if she wanted to join us. She was more that enthusiastic, continued Nadja.  
-It's a great weekend for everyone, conclue her husband. 

Guillermo alone.

-You're a hypocritical slut. I don't even feel bad saying it, says Guillermo to Bram Stoker's picture.

Flash-back

-Rosie, I'm going to need your talents for something very important," Nadja began.  
-Sure, what do you want me to find?  
-I thought your little tricks were just that," asked surprised Bram.  
-Mostly, I can't talk to hovies, but I can find some nice things if I want to. So how can I make you happy, china?  
-I need you to find me someone: Vladislav the pocker.  
-Would be my pleasure, but his name won't be enough. You know I need some glue right now.  
-We planned this. Laszlo, give it to her, please.  
-I had to charm a lady could be my daughter to get it.A real dagger from the 11th century used during the Balkan holy wars. The style and like the stones that decorate them prove that it belonged to someone high up. The owner swears it's from Vladislav's family.  
-He has a brother who was also turned into a vampire but it will be easy to tell them apart: Vladislav has a moustache and he should be accompanied by one of Laszlo's cousins.  
-Cousin, don't confuse her. Me and Viago are noble, we're all cousins at one degree or another.

Present

-You're confirming that the only differences between a royal wedding and an Alabama wedding is the budget and how drunk is the violinist gonna be by the end of the night? ask Colin Robinson.  
-Let's just say that me and Viago have mothers who were not related to royalty and we are both very attractive people with the right number of fingers on each hand, Laszlo said coldly. -I don't think it's a coincidence.

Flash-back

\- All right, give me your fife, ask Rose-Mary.

Once the weapon is in his hand, the vampire's gaze becomes blurred, before returning to its normal colour.

-I think I got him. Tall, mustache, long hair, kind of exotic and built like a bull?  
-That must be him, congratulations, Rosie! Where is he? ask Nadja.  
-Looks like a Nanny Goat wedge.   
-Try to find something to know where this boat is heading: a map, a name, the name of the captain or the boat, ask Laszlo.  
-I'm doing my best, Pound! Hey, I see it!  
-What? ask the three others.  
-Old Big Ben, the boat's heading for London. What were the fucking odds?  
-That's the first good news in a long time. I guess we're being watched over by a good little devil," laughed Laszlo.  
-Quill and paper, suddenly ordered Rose-Mary.  
-Here," Bram immediately gave her, taking a pen and a notebook out of his pockets. -This is fascinating!

These actions immediately earned him the attention of Nadja.

-Your quirks serve us well, lamb, she said, bringing her mouth to hims.

Laszlo kept his attentions for his part on the word that Rose-Mary traced. A childish handwriting, but which he managed to read all the same.

-Demeter, like the goddess of harvest. Ares or Lamia would have been a better match but never mind. If you see Big Ben, he's close by, realized Laszlo. -Ladies and gentleman, we'll welcome our guest tomorrow.

Present

-The Demeter is the boat in which Dracula is arriving!" Guillermo realized. -Vladislav is his inspiration?   
-Some elements definitely come from him but he's not the only inspiration and he's not the one who found it in the boat," says Laszlo.  
-Who was in the boat? Jenna asked.

The couple turned their eyes in unison to... Nandor!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Adan and Eve: Believe it or believe me.  
> Attitude: A state of drunkenness; being high   
> Bamboo Shoots: Boot  
> Blunderbuss: 1) idiot or 2) an unskilled thief  
> Bo-Peep: Sleep  
> Butter upon Bacon: Extravagance. Too much extravagance. “Are you going to put lace over the feather, isn't that rather butter upon bacon?”  
> China Plate or China: Mate  
> Chuckaboo: A nickname given to a close friend (And this has to come back into fashion please)  
> Church bells: A talkative woman   
> Claw for breakfast: whipped in prison (A moment of silence for our abused vampires)   
> Claret: Blood  
> Collard and cuff or Puff for short: An effeminate man, suggestive either by their neatness of dress, or by "powder puff". (It's used more as an insult to the rich than anything else.)  
> Cuddle and Kiss: Miss  
> Dead Loss: Boss  
> Dead lurk: robbing a house while the family are at church (It's as nasty as it is brilliant)  
> Deep fat fryer: Liar  
> Don't sell me a dog: this phrase meant “Don’t lie to me!” Apparently, people who sold dogs back in the day were prone to trying to pass off mutts as purebreds.   
> Drum and Fife: Knife  
> Flapdoodle: A sexually incompetent man, who is either too young to have had sex or one who is too old to attempt it ("flapdoodle" also referred to nonsense or rubbish and ladyparts in the same time period). (I'm sure Laszlo doesn't like any of the possibilities)  
> Flay: 1) To vomit or 2) Hars  
> Flicker: To drink. “Flicker with me,” drink with me.   
> Funny farm: Asylum  
> German: Hand  
> Gert and Daisy: Crazy  
> Gibface: An ugly person, especially one with a heavy lower jaw   
> Hedge-Creeper: A prostitute, who presumably works in the countryside ("creeper" could also be substituted for "prowler" or "ranger")   
> Housewife choice: Voice  
> Hovis: Dead  
> Jackanapes: 1) an impudent or conceited fellow or 2) a saucy or mischievous child   
> Just-ass: Insulting term for a judge. (It was subtle).  
> Kate: A smart, brazen-faced woman. (Because a pretty, intelligent criminal woman is a rarity according to the Victorians)  
> Lily: Drink  
> London Fog: Dog  
> Lushington: Drunken man  
> Malmsey Nose: A heavily acned nose (the assumption here was that the acned nose was the result of drinking too much malmsey wine)   
> Merry-go-round or Pound: In the sterling sense. Referring to the saying that "money was made round to go round". May also occasionally refer to someone who has earned his owne money.  
> Moon: Spoon  
> Mumbling cover: A shabby person or an unpleasant, deceitful landlord (The reason Rose-Mary was suspicious)  
> Mutt and Jeff: deaf  
> Mutton shunters: Term for a policeman is so much better than "pig."  
> Nanny Goat wedge: Boat  
> Nums and habbits: Rabbits.   
> Once a weak or Beak : A magistrate. In heady days many did see the "beak" once a week as a result of excessive partying on a Saturday night.   
> Pearl: 1) Girl or 2) A bisexual man (Cause he goes both ways).   
> Penny come quick: A trick of confidence which if successful made for easy money.   
> Pot of Glue: Clue  
> Push and shover: Love  
> Rabbit and pork: Talk  
> Right said fred: Dead  
> River Ouse: Booze  
> Seamstresse: A polite way to talk about a prostitute. Because that was the excuse a lot of them used to explain why they had men in their homes.  
> Smash-feeder: Silver spoon.   
> Sooty and sweet: Sleep  
> Tropical ovaries: Victorian belief proposed a woman of mixed ancestry who could produce English children with foreign fertility. (It's terribly racist and sexist, but the image of pineapple and coconut-flavored ovary makes me laugh my ass off.)  
> Trouble and strife or Troule: Wife (Is it just me or does the sentence work better if it's Laszlo the trouble?)  
> Ragtal and bobtail: 1) common people, folks or 2) scum, trash  
> Ratbag: A general term of abuse; a rogue or an eccentric   
> Uncle Ned: Bed  
> Wagtail: A promiscuous woman or prostitute; less commonly, a dissolute man (Equality?)  
> Weasel and Stoat: Coat


	4. Dracula's guest and Other weird stories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lexicon as usual at the end, a nod to another work by Bram Stoker and another reference if you're a history fan (or just a Supernatural or AHS fan) ;) Also, I know that Laszlo is canonically pansexual, but I think that given the time he was born, he's not very fussy about the term as long as he's respectful. Oh and Renfield as the servant who serves has something useful for Dracula is an addition to the movies (a good one in my opinion).

Guillermo appears alone and in shock.

-My... my master... is the major inspiration for... Dracula? The Dracula? Oh that's... that's so... I don't know.

Back to the others with a focus on Nandor.

-So I was in america during the exploration period. After the Vienna fiasco, I needed a change of scenery. I wasn't the only vampire to go there, but it seems I was the only one who was successful.

Illustration of vampire be hunted and killed. 

-So I mostly hung out with humans, but I also hung out with the locals. I even dated a Wendigo for a while.

Image of Nandor with a Native American woman. 

-She was nice, really fun, loves to eat life to the fullest...literally! She made me this great dream catcher in human ribs, I carved her name in a tree, the usual relationship stuff.  
-Why did you split up? Jenna asked.  
-Her family. I mean, they were all very nice. But I was like, "Croatan, I love you, but every time your family visits, they eat the whole village". So we split up. I also had a lot of fun with George Washington and Benjamin Franklin but...I miss my people. So I decided that if no one would join me in America, I'd just go home. The trip was not very pleasant, not many virgins among the sailors and I had come across a particularly superstitious crew. 

Images of frightened sailors and a dark figure hidden in the hold.

-I don't think I could ever have imagined what was in store for me...

Back to Nadja and Laszlo.

-So the next evening the four of us left, me, my good lady wife Nadja, little darling Rose-Mary and that whore of Abraham.

Flash-back

-Are you sure it's safe to bring Bram with us? asked Rose-Mary. You care about your little pearl, don't you?  
-Sure, we care about him, but we lost our last familiar to a stupid werewolf and you don't have one either, explain Nadja. -If ever we need an invitation to get in somewhere or the boat is load of silver, he's all we've got!  
-Sorry, but that's not a bug-hunting find a familiar.   
-What about your maid? ask Nadja.  
-Come on, darling! You can't be serious? Having someone like that? Laszlo laughed.

Present

-I know it sounds bad like that... Laszlo began.  
-I don't think it can change," replied Guillermo.  
-Just listen! I don't care personally! I'm married to a gypsy woman, I support the suffragette cause, I love being called pansexual or bisexual rather than pervert...but I'm not the norm! At the time I'm talking about, a woman couldn't wander around on her own or she'd be mistaken for a prostitute. It didn't matter her age or her social status and believe me it was worse when she was a foreigner. And let's remember that Irish was not even considered white in my time when the only thing as pale as a vampire is an Irish! A poor Latin woman would have had the discretion of a marching band. A familiar must be someone discreet and practical to help his master...and eventually win his place as a vampire, Laszlo said quickly when his wife elbowed him.  
-Are you saying that the majority of really old vampires who are white, male ans straight are former familiar? Colin asked with a nasty smile.  
-Probably, but then again, I don't talk that much to vampire guys who aren't at least bi-curious.  
-Discretion and usefulness are important, people call Renfield's character a familiar , but that was never the case in the novel. He's a poor mentally ill man in his sixties locked up in an asylum, how could he be of any help? Dracula manipulates him for 5 minutes to get information and that's it! Honestly, it sounds more like gratuitous sadism when he could have simply hypnotized the poor thing and had the same result, Nadja explained.   
-Before civil rights, I was too dark for a lot of people," says Nandor. -Let's just say my familiars were all Wasps. But now I don't care where they come from! I'm even very proud that Guillermo is descended from honorable Pinata breeders. 

Guillermo alone

-I have mixed feelings about his new information.

Flash-back

-I didn't want to chase her out after I had the lollipop and honestly for growing up in the gutter, I don't want to do what they did to me. So until I get my familiar, I'm happy to have it even if it means paying for her. To have someone do my laundry and cleaning for a cock and hen, pretty cheap! And, know she a lor'luv a duck!  
-It will be fine, I already have three possible candidates, we have the first choice Nadja and me, but you can choose between what's left," says Laszlo.  
-What did you go aftenoonified?  
-A rich heir, a doctor and an American adventurer!  
-I'm going to focus my energy on American, I feel like you and I could benefit from some language lessons," smiles Nadja.

Laszlo and Rose-Mary had a fat laugh as Bram joined them. 

-Sorry I'm late, between representations and Florence driving me crazy, it was hard to get here.   
-It's all right, lamb. You're here, that's all that matters, smile Nadja.  
-If you still feel guilty later, I'll give you une peine forte et dure, promised Laszlo with a suggestive look.  
-Florence? ask Rose-Mary.  
-She' s my wife, explain Bram.  
-Got a trouble? asked the blonde surprise.  
-Why is that so surprising? Bram asked.  
-Cause it's hard not to know she's Cuckquean. Unless she's someone that she's with doing the bear.   
-No, she don't. And I have needs, I won't force my wife to take care of them, but I won't ignore them either.

Present

-So fucking generous, growled in his beard Guillermo.

Flash-Back

-So, your friend..." Bram began.  
-Vladislav, answered Nadja. -Hopefully we can convince him and his companions to join. That should give us a little more leverage.  
-Nadja, I think it's a very good plan, but I'm a little worried about my...  
-That's why we're here," smiles Laslzo.  
-Nothing's gonna happen to you gal-sneaker, swear Rose-Mary.

The group headed to the port where the boat. Nadja hypnotized a sailor to show them where the Demeter was, before sending him away to see if she was there. Bram got on the boat before he said:

-You're all cordially invited to come abord.

The three vampires went up first, now that there was nothing holding them back. 

-Is there no one to watch over? asked Nadja.  
-I don't think anyone's going to want to watch with what I've found," the Irish said uncomfortably.  
-Show us what's so enthuzimuzzy," Rose-Mary asked.

Bram guided them to the ship's rudder. Attached to it was what must have been the captain with different ropes allowing the corpse to hold the helm in the desired direction.

-It's automatic! He's found a way not to run out of food without getting lost. It's brilliant!" Laszlo exclaimed.

Present

-Thank you! said Nandor.  
-Don't make a big deal out of it, ask Laszlo.

Flash Back

-Have you explored the cabins or the hull? Laszlo asked.  
-Alone after finding this? Are you crazy?   
-Meater, coughed without much subtlety Rose-Mary  
-We'll all go together, said Nadja in a reassuring tone. -No one's going to bite you except me or Laszlo.   
-Alright, said little to reassure Bram before taking Nadja's hand.  
Laszlo opened the cellar and moved forward, followed by the others.

-Good evening, is anyone there? ask Laszlo.   
-Who dares disturb me? ask a voice.

Laszlo and Rose-Mary seem excited and Bram intrigues but Nadja, for her part, looks confused.

Present

-His voice didn't sound as I remember it, and rightly so.

Flash-Back

-We're the welcoming committee," says Laszlo.   
-Really?" asked the suddenly interested voice.  
-I'm Laszlo Cravensworth, member of the royal family of this beautiful country.

Present

-What's your order of succession again?" asked Colin.  
-Well, I'm dead, so I'm out by default," said Laszlo circumventing the question.

Flash-Back

-And this is my beautiful lover Nadja, our dear friend Rose-Mary Radcliffe and the crème de la crème of Irish writers, Abraham Stocker.  
-It's a very diverse group," says the surprised voice.  
-Why don't you join us, Mister the Poker? ask Laszlo.   
-The Poker?  
-Oh shit, said Nadja having confirmation of her suspicions. 

A silhouette has finally appeared: Nandor the Relentless!

-I am Nandor the Relentless, immortal warrior, feared by East and West, Dragon of Al Quolandar, prince of...

-So this laugh isn't your guy? ask Rose-Mary.  
-No, he's not, said Nadja, holding back her anger with difficulty.  
-How many vampire warlords from the Balkan and the XII century exactly are there? ask Bram.  
-Uh, I was born in 1262, actually. My birthday is in... started Nandor but was properly ignored.  
-How could you be so mistaken? Laszlo asked Rose-Mary.  
-Oh I'm so sorry, Laszlo! It's not like I used your fife to find you're ladd and describe exactly what he looked like!   
-Vladislav the Poker, does that sound Turkish to you?  
-Bulllock, that doesn't mean anything, you're smash-feeder from Derbyshire and you sound like a you're from Canterbury Tales!

Laszlo had a shocked look on his face before he got really angry.  
-You Foozler! You take that back right now!  
-Make me!  
-Enough, you two! Nadja gets angry and slaps them both on the back of the head. -Are you 6 and 2 years old instead of 60 and 204, respectively?  
-But...

Nadja scolded them making it clear that the discussion was over, before turning back to Nandor.

-Mr. Relentess, does this belong to you or someone close to you?

Nandor took the dagger from her hands and looked at it before answering: 

-Oh yes, it was a wedding present from the family of one of my wives, my third to be precise.  
-Three wifes? Bram asked.  
-I had 37 wives, actually.  
-At the same time?  
-Bram, be pretty and shut up! silenced him Laszlo before addressing Nandor.  
-It's not from Wallachia? I left myself be molested for nothing? Laszlo shouted.  
-She had ancestors born there ...but what does that have to do with the situation? Nandor said suddenly angrily.  
-Mr. Relenteless, I'm sorry, but there seems to have been a mistake. We thought we'd welcome Vladislav the Poker. It's a misunderstanding that's nobody's fault...  
-Aha! screamed satisfied Rose-Mary.  
-But the old owl we're probably going to kill tomorrow. Will that make you feel better, darling?  
-A little bit, recognized Laszlo.  
-Good. So sorry for the inconvenience but good luck with your plans Mr. Relenteless. Let's all go home, concluded Nadja.  
-Are you fucking serious?

Present

-I still can't believe how rude you were, Nandor said.  
-Don't be so dramatic, we don't know you from adam or eve," Laszlo replied.  
-I was a king. Vladislav was just a common warlord!  
-Bad argument Nandor, we don't care about his title, we only care about his connections, Nadja replied. 

Flash-back

-I beg you're pardon? Laszlo asked dryly.  
-Yes, you can! Nandor shouted. -You are incredibly disrespectful to me! Didn't anyone ever teach you manners?  
-This is England, love. You're bubble around four times without realizing it before Rosie Lee, smile Rose-Mary.   
-Why is she talking about bubbles and that Mrs. Lee? Nandor asked confusedly. -And don't you know who I am?  
-No, said Laszlo and Rose-Mary.

Present

-You looked so heartbroken when we answered you," Laszlo laughed.  
-Because of your lack of culture and history! Nandor defended himself.

Laszlo rolled his eyes before answering: 

-Our dear Rose-Mary grew up in the bad parts of London. You should be impressed that she can even read!  
-And what's your excuse?  
-If we weren't at war with you, were a colony or owed money, you don't exist. Don't think we're special in this.You probably don't know much about my country's history.  
-No! I know, for example, that your country had a civil war because they couldn't agree on the color of the roses!

Laszlo sighed before answering:

-At least didn't you say that Shakespeare didn't write his own plays and Queen Elizabeth made incestuous bastards. 

Flash-Back

-Me, I know you a little, recognized Nadja.  
-Really? Nandor asked hopefully.  
-I know you cut off the feet of messages they forgot to wipe their boots and put mud in your palace. Plus a couple of other things like that.   
-Well, it was really rude of them, the slaves...I mean the servants working hard to keep the palace clean! But that's not the point! My point is, I'm entitled to as much honor as Vladislav the Poker, maybe more!!!!  
-Yeah, that's not bloody gonna happen. If you're really in trouble, we can show you to the near hotel, otherwise good luck! Come on, everybody, let's go home.   
-What the hell! I've been waiting in America for over 250 years for vampires to be sent to conquer America and when I come back because I'm fed up, I don't even to get a thank you? screamed angrily Nandor.

The three vampires freeze under the shock of the revelation while Bram hides behind Nadja for safety.

Present

-Nadja and I couldn't believe what we heard. Of course, others had been sent but everyone was dead, presumed dead or had their tail between their legs, explain Laszlo.  
-In our misfortune, we still had a bit of luck. So Laszlo and I decided to improvise a little something," smiles Nadja.

Flash-Back

-I'm sorry, but can you repeat that if you please? Laszlo asked.  
-I've waited over 250 years in America for help that never came! So, I'm a little frustrated right now! Nandor complains.  
-Rosie, break the lock on the captain's cabin and you Bram, go inside to see if you can find any information confirming what he's saying, Nadja says discreetly to the other two.

-How did you live there? Laszlo asked.  
-How do I live? What kind of stupid question is that? In a house with the occasional familar and feeding on the population! And before you go on with your nonsense, no I didn't conquer America alone because it was fucking huge!  
-We're sorry to hear that, we've been told that no one has been able to settle down by our people," Laszlo explained.  
-What? They forgot me?  
-Communications are difficult at this distance? try Laszlo.

Rose-Mary came back with some papers she gave to Nadja.

-He's not selling us a dog.The boat's coming in from America.  
-Thank you. Where's Bram?  
-In the captain's cabin, he won't come out until you're done with the laugh.

Nadja rolled her eyes but did nothing before joining her lover. 

-I have to admit, with this new information, I feel a little bad for you, she said. -It is a horrible injustice what has happened to you, such a noble and brave warrior king left alone in this wild land. Reassure me that you were taken care of there? Nadja asked in her way into Nandor space.  
-I... I had company, don't worry. Locals and travelers like me, look embarrassed Nandor.  
-Here I am reassured, smiles Nadja while Nandor looks on worriedly to Laszlo.

This one just smiled amused with Rose-Mary watching them intrigued.

-Are you short of a sheet ? The cockney was demanding.  
-I'm sorry, I'm not sure I understand? answer Nandor.  
-Our dear Rose-Mary speaks Cockney, it's a variation of the English language. It's like an illiterate drunk trying to saye poetry, forgetting half of it while having a potato in his mouth. It has a naive charm to it, Laszlo explained, ignoring the dirty look on the blonde's face. -She wants to know if you need a place to sleep?  
-For the immediate day, yes. My luggage...  
-You can't drag all your crowded space over to my place tonight, cut him off Rose-Mary. -Take what yew need, we'll take care ov da rest tomorrow night. Fine it you, Relen'eless?  
-Take the essentials for now, we'll have you deliver the rest later," Laszlo continued.  
-Thank you," said Nandor, surprised by the sudden change.   
-It's really unfair what happened to you, Nadja complains. -You know what? You should bring him with us on Wednesday! We were invited to a meeting organized by Baron Afanas about the situation in America. You could explain the situation and find the vampires you so badly needed!  
-It's...A GREAT IDEA! I haven't seen the Baron since Vienna! I'll take the important stuff out of my boxes!  
-How many of these are yours?" Nadja asked as Laszlo held Rose-Mary's arm as she was about to start searching the shipment.  
-Oh, just fifty!

Present  
-Gang of harlots, grunted Nandor. -You manipulated me!  
-Because you naively let it be, Nadja laughed.  
-Or to quote Rosie: We bearing you up! said Laszlo with a Cockney accent credible. 

Flash-Back

-Ginger? You can get out of your hole! Says Laszlo addressing the captain's cabin. -He's gone. 

The Irishman slowly emerged from the cabin with another worried look on his face. 

-You're not lying?  
-No, lamb. Come on, Nandor is leaving with Rosemary, said Nadja.  
-You're going to leave her alone with him?  
-If she says it's gonna be okay, I trust her. And with her powers, she can warn us if the situation is out of control, Nadja explained. - Worst-case scenario, we'll run to her rescue and sodomize the Relentess with a figurine of the girl in blue.

Present

-WHAT????!!!!  
-Come on, Nandor. We didn't know anything about you then. And we would do the same for you now if we had to, Nadja reassured him.  
-Thank?

Flash-Back

-So, do you live far away? ask Nandor.  
-Piccadilly circus, full of hornwoggler, buttoner, wasp and uphill gardener. It's the best!  
-The wildlife looks interesting...  
-We'll explore if you want," said Rose-Mary as she rubbed her ankle against Nandor's leg. -Hey, I'm not really big on etiquette, but if yew can't eat me maid, that'd be cuppa geezer.  
-Don't eat your servant? Nandor repeated to be sure.  
-Yeah, she's not a virgin anyway an' she's a good seamstress. A real one wiv needles an' fread! Know what I mean? Laughs Rose-Mary.   
-I guess so. Don't you have a familiar?  
-I'm looking for one.  
-Nadja and Laszlo could have lent you theirs.  
-Are you talking about Bram? Oh, that's not familiar. No, he's their Convenient.  
-Their what?  
-Thee know, when yer in buvver wiv yaaahr wife. Shit, forget yew are 37, yew probably never needed that.   
-Oh, a lover! He's their lover! Understood Nandor.

Rose-Mary made a positive gesture with a wink.

-Yes, it's their little pearl. Nadja an' Laszlo aren't lucky wiv their familiar.

Present

-It's not so bad," Laszlo defended himself.  
-Ok, let's make a comparison: Nandor has had Guillermo for 10 years, how many have you had in the same period? asked Colin.  
-Uh... It's a long enough story, let's get back to the point! Nadja cut them off.

Flash-Back

-So this is my pope in rome! Rose-Mary proudly explained. -Don't touch my psychic room, I don't want my accessories moved around too much.  
-Is it real or a scam?  
-Mawer truthful van average. My room is 'ere, yer not coming in without my permission. Same wiv my maid an' let me show you your uncle ned.  
-None of my uncles are named Ned.

Rose-Mary took him just by the hand to guide him into a room with a sarcophagus.

-Isn't that beautiful, dead loss?  
-A bit old-fashioned, but it's my rank," Nandor replied. -Where did you get this?  
-A jammiest bits of jam named Tera left us after we helped her for unscheduled meeting with her mad scientist hag in chains dad, her jacknapes fiancé and his ratbag friends.

Present

-Do you meet a mummy? exclaimed Jenna.  
-Yes, answered Nadja. -I mean, it was more like the reincarnation of a mummy. Poor girl has been through a lot, but she's earned her freedom. To thank us she told us that we could keep taking what we wanted from her father's house. I'll tell you that one another time. It'll do us all good to tell a story with a happy ending.

Flash-Back

-So, out of curiosity, did Nadja or Laszlo who is you're maker? ask Nandor.  
-Neither of them.  
-My misunderstood, you seemed close.  
-No, it fine.My maker...she's dead, for real. And kind of forced her to make me.   
-That's terrible.  
-For her. I made i' fruff eveni' was terrifyin' at first. So I was all alone. I must 'ave looked like one ov those squeakers raised by animals . And I ran into these two, literally in Laszlo's case. They showed me the ropes and... I don't think I'd be here if it wasn't for them.  
-Really?  
-For sure, Relen'eless. Nadja is my chuckaboo! My favorite person if you will. And Laszlo's like this cousin that I love as a brother except when we're in an incestuous mood.

Present

-She said that? asked Nadja.  
-Sure, she likes you a lot, Nandor replied. -Don't tell me you're surprised?  
-I need a break," said Nadja, getting up hastily. -We continued later.

She left the room quickly, to everyone's shock.

-What did I say? Nandor asked.  
-Nothing, said Laszlo looked tired. -It's just... Rosie's loss. It never really healed. We just learned to exist with it.

Laszlo lets his gaze slip towards Jenna, before he gets a sad smile on his face.

-I was afraid you were just some kind of replacement. But you're your own person and... you've helped her a lot. Helped us a lot, actually.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aftenoonified: A society word meaning smart.   
> Bearing up: a woman tempts a man to a lonely place where he can be robbed.   
> Bug-hunting: Something easy. Not to be confused with the modern expression "Bug hunter" which means looking for partners with venereal diseases.  
> Bubble Around: A verbal attack, generally made via the press. Forrester cites The Golden Butterfly: "I will back a first-class British subject for bubbling around against all humanity." I think it's cute and I want it to make a comeback.  
> Buttoner: the man who puts on cheat games in the street for betting   
> Canterbury Tales: Wales. I have nothing against the place, in fact the pictures are charming and a place that is the birthplace of Michael Sheen must have somes qualities. But I know England laughs at them for some reason.   
> Chuckaboo: A nickname given to a close friend. And it's absolutely lovely!  
> Cock and Hen or Cock: 10 or something's cheap  
> Convenient: Term for a respectable mistress who is discreet.  
> Crowded space: Suitcase or luggages  
> Cup of tea, sausage and a slice or cuppa geezer: Nice  
> Cuckquean: A cuckquean is a wife with an adulterous husband.   
> Dead Loss: Boss  
> Derbyshire: It is a region of England known for its landscapes and agriculture. The reasons why I decided that Laszlo came from there are 1) This is where the action of the book The Lair of the White Worm happens (Bram Stoker's other book with vampires), 2) Laszlo is confirmed to have been born in a village despite his posh accent. So yes, until proven otherwise, Laszlo is a country boy who overcompensates a little.  
> Doing the bear: "Courting that involves hugging." Is it cute or sad that there is a term for it? You decide!  
> Don't sell me a dog: this phrase meant “Don’t lie to me!” Apparently, people who sold dogs back in the day were prone to trying to pass off mutts as purebreds.   
> Drum and Fife or Fife: Knife  
> Enthuzimuzzy: "Satirical reference to enthusiasm." Created by Braham the terror, whoever that is.  
> Foozler: Clumsy thief  
> Gal-sneaker: An 1870 term for "a man devoted to seduction.”   
> Girl in blue: Virgin Mary  
> Hag in chains: Older person thought she knew better than everyone else.  
> Hornwoggler: A fraud or cheat   
> Jackanapes: 1) an impudent or conceited fellow or 2) a saucy or mischievous child   
> Jammiest bits of jam: “Absolutely perfect young females,” Like Nadja.   
> Laugh: Arab  
> Lollipop : Shop   
> Lor'luv a duck: There are many possible meanings to this expression but the one used here is for the love of Christ. Rose-Mary calls her a religious nut, more or less.  
> Meater: A street term meaning coward. Rosie's a little unfair for poor Bram.  
> Pearl: Girl or 2) A bisexual man (Cause he goes both ways).   
> Pope in rome: Home  
> Ratbag: A general term of abuse; a rogue or an eccentric   
> Rosie Lee: Tea Time  
> Seamstresse: A polite way to talk about a prostitute. Because that was the excuse a lot of them used to explain why they had men in their homes.  
> Short of a sheet: Implying a situation of penury and hence the lack of a bed.  
> Smash-feeder: Silver spoon.   
> Squeakers: A child  
> Trouble and strife or Troule: Wife  
> Uncle Ned: Bed  
> Une peine forte et dure: Is a term for an English torture consisting of crushing you with stones piled on top of you until you confess your crimes. But it began to be used as a slang term in the 19th century as a term for more ...aggressive sexual acts.   
> Unscheduled meeting: Beat the living shit out of someone.   
> Uphill gardener: Other term for homosexual. And I can say as a member of the LGBT+ community... Yeah, sure why not? I've been called worse.   
> Wasp: Funny thing is, in Victorian England it has a completely different meaning than the modern American version. It generally refers to a prostitute (but not exclusively) with a venereal disease without any outward signs.


	5. The Jewel of Seven Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remembrance of an old friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey sorry to keep you waiting but these chapters require a lot of research and I managed to develop an autoimmune disease during a pandemic. Also would you prefer I put the lexicon at the beginning or the end? I'll try at the beginning.  
> Also wishful thinking: there is a scene that involves blasphemy and (consensual) sex. Nothing showed but I warn if it makes you uncomfortable.
> 
> Ammout : She is an Egyptian goddess who judges the souls of the dead and devours them if they commit too many sins. She has the head of a crocodile, the front legs of a lion and the backside of a hippopotamus. And the fact that she is a mix of three particularly dangerous animals is a clue to her personality.   
> Bastet : Cat-headed Egyptian goddess. She is the protector of women, motherhood, children, home in addition to being a warrior goddess. Sometimes associated with Hathor and Sekhmet.  
> Daddles: A delightful way to refer to your rather boring hands. Because it was necessary?  
> Finger and thumb : mother  
> German: Hand

-How is Nadja? Ask Nandor.  
-She said she's going to put her makeup back on and join us, said Laszlo.  
-I didn't mean to...I mean....I remember when...  
-It's all right, Nandor. There's nothing wrong with you, you know who's the only person we're blaming.  
-So we wait? ask Guillermo.  
-If you're so impatient, I can tell you a little bit about something that engages only me," Laszlo replied.

Cut at only Laszlo

-So a little thing we've been talking about is this Mummy story.

Enthusiastic noise from Jenna.

-So this mummy is none other than Queen Tera, the most powerful and influential sovereign that Egypt have known. An absolutely fascinating and charming woman who has been greatly abused by history and some unsavoury elements of my country. In addition, it is already difficult for a woman in particular to receive respect and that even harder when she has a disability even if it is only an aesthetic one.  
-What disability? Guillermo asked.  
-Queen Tera was born with seven fingers on one hand and seven toes on one foot. Perfectly proportioned and that she was able to use them but it was difficult to camouflage.

Shows images of statues and engravings depicting an ancient Egyptian queen with extra fingers.

-What I'm trying to say is that she was what you'd call a MILF (Mummy I Like to F...). But the first time we met her was under the name Margaret Trelawney. And the poor girl had lost a lot of her greatness.

Flash-Back

See a woman nervously walking down the street after a man.

-Malcolm, please wait!  
-Margaret, I've already explained it to you: your father is just a sleepwalker and he hurt himself stupidly during the night. Don't get hysterical!

From a distance, sitting at a table in a café, Nadja, Laszlo and Rose-Mary observe the couple.

-So badly? And the strange noises? The smell of perfume coming from the mummy? All those cats running around the house and I have this dreams that...," she began to explain before noticing the vampires looking at her. She looks embarrassed and sticks her hands in her coat pockets.  
-Margaret, you're making a fool of yourself. I think the stress is too much for you. You're not cut out for this kind of responsibility.  
-Malcolm, I'm just asking you to listen to me...said Margaret on the verge of tears.  
-Margret, go home and let me and the others handle it. Try to rest while you knit or look for names for our future children.

Depressed, Margaret obeyed in spite of everything and left.

-What do you think? Ask Laszlo to Nadja.  
-The man or the woman? Nadja asked.  
-Why not both? They're clearly virgins. One for us and the other for Silvia's birthday, suggested Rose-Mary.  
-I guess, but without a familiar, we'll have to play it safe, says Nadja. -I also wonder what she was talking about with her father.  
-Me, it's her hand that intrigues me," says Laszlo.  
-I didn't know that was your fancy, said Rose-Mary.   
-I appreciate beauty everywhere, Rosie, but no. As soon as she saw what we looked at her, she hid it.  
-Maybe she just has daddles?suggested Rose-Mary.  
-I don't know. She was walking funny. Not like she has a limp, but like her shoes are too small or something.  
-If you think it's a rotten fruit, let's focus on the man.   
-They know each other, we lose nothing by trying to take them both.

Present

-And a week later.

Flash-back

Nadja, Laszlo and Rose-Mary are seated at a table talking when someone comes to sit with them.

-Hey! This is private... start Rose-Mary before she shuts up in surprise.

Margaret is sitting in front of them but with a completely different attitude. Confident, head high, vaguely amused, hands out of her pockets and without gloves.

-Really? Don't you want to give your victim a little space? That's a little rude, isn't it?  
-I don't know what you're talking about," said Laszlo, looking like a child caught doing something naughty.  
-Aw, don't worry, I'm not mad. You're children of Sekhmet, you act only in accordance with your nature.But tell me, what did you have planned? Please tell me it was more than just throwing my body in the first hole after bleeding me dry. Like a freak accident or putting the blame on my fiancé!

Nadja was the first to attempt an approach:

-You're not Margaret.

Present

-Isn't it a bit fast to jump to possession? asked Guillermo.  
-Yeah, Gizmo. The girl has gone from a shy and uptight virgin who apologizes when you step on her foot to a powerful and confident woman who breathes the I came, I saw, I conquered and screw you with my magnificence splendor!It's not the kind of 7-day evolution you see in someone who's lost their virginity and discovered their G-spot. Unless it was I lost my virginity with Casanova and HE was the one crying at the end"

Laszlo pulled himself together before going on:

-I don't know all the details, even she didn't know them all. But Professor Trelawney played with things he didn't understand and the soul of the Queen or her Ka as she explains it was placed inside his unborn child.

Flash-Back

-Sadly, I am. But I have been more in the past, and I long to regain my former strength. Do you have experience in this field, young lady?   
-Yes, I do, Nadja too shocked to say anything else.  
-Wonderful, the gods respond to my desires for once. Do either of you smoke?  
-Only me and only the pipe, said Laszlo, equally shocked.  
-I'll be all right, I just wish you'd light me up," said Margaret as she took out a cigarette.  
-My pleasure, said Laszlo as he pulled out a tinderox.

Margaret left Laszlo's light on and took a deep breath.

-Delicious poison, she smiles. -And little girl, didn't anyone ever teach you that you don't stare like that unless you pay for it? she asked Rose-Mary.  
-It's just... Your germand, she try to explain.  
-I have seven fingers on one hand and seven toes on one foot. I'd like to think that makes seven my lucky number. But if we talk business now.Waiter! Your best bottle for my friends here!  
-We don't drink alcohol...began Nadja.  
-You're gonna like this one.

The waiter put the bottle and four glasses on the table.Margaret thanked the waiter and started pouring herself a drink. Then take the bottle back. These eyes turn completely black before returning to their normal color. She fills the glasses with the contents was now blood. Rose-Mary took her drink and drank it straight up.

-Rosie!  
-It's really blood! And some real tasty one.  
-In my culture, they say people like you are the children of Sekhmet. It is the lion-headed goddess, in charge of destruction, drought, disease, bloodlust and brought revenge on men disrespectful to the gods. She also is the dark reflection of Hathor, the goddess of music, pleasure, love and alcohol. In fact, the only way to stop Sekhmet's anger is to offer her things to restore her to Hathor's form.  
-So you want us to make our supposed mother proud? Nadja asked suspicious.-Sounds a little too good.  
-Those idiots are planning to exorcise me tomorrow and it involves some pretty terrible things to my old body. Which will mean my death since, I'm alone in this body, I just got my memories back, including the ability to say no. I'm sure it's based on a modern-day believer, not some repressed necrophiliac desire and inability to maintain an erection in the face of an independent woman. But my powers aren't fully transferred yet. That little chemical change I made on the alcohol is the best I can do right now.   
-Still a nice trick, said Rose-Mary.  
-Thank. That is, if you're interested. Here's my address and you're all cordially invited,she says while writing an address on a piece of paper. -And I'll provide the accompaniments. Good evening, sweethearts, she concluded as she stood up.

Present

-Did you go? Jenna asked.  
-Yes, Nadja hesitated until the end while me and Rose-Mary were more enthusiastic. The little one was just fascinated by her majesty. For my part, I was mostly curious. 

Flash-Back

-Who reached the light? Malcolm shouted.

He tried to light a candle but his hand was shaking too much.

-It's not necessary, Malcolm, said Margaret's voice.  
-Margaret?!Where are you?   
-Dressed by my body defiled by you and the others, including the one I called father. You want to start over with the still warm one?  
-Tera, demonic witch servant of Lucifer...  
-Oh please, he wasn't even a concept when I ruled!

A light appeared to light a cigarette. Margaret was sitting on the table in some kind of nightie with a lot of jewelry including a ring with a huge ruby in her hand.

-It's not a wedding dress you know, just a ceremonial dress. White for wedding dresses hasn't been the norm for a century...  
-When the others go...  
-They're Ammout's meal now.  
-And what is our connection with her? asked an amused voice.

Malcolm turned to see three people who first hoped to be his companions before those eyes got used to the darkness. 

A beautiful brunette woman dressed in black, a gentleman also dressed in dark clothing, with a beard and another woman, blonde, had a mink coat. The brunette woman was still holding Dr. Trelawney's broken body in her hand. Malcolm, horrified, stepped back but pulled his crucifix from his collar and screamed:

-Back off, freaks!

The vampires growled before they froze in surprise.

-Why doesn't it burn? Not that I miss it, but...ask Nadja.  
-Because in order to summon me, he was going to ask the help of my gods. So this whole house just after sunrise is under the protection of my gods. I told you, Malcolm, your little carpenter is nothing to me so he has no power over me. And Sekhmet will not let others hurt her babies, Tera laughed.   
-Glory be to you, O Lord, glory be to you. Glory to you who put me to sleep to refresh my weakness  
and Fuck, it work! scream Laszlo.  
-World's best lioness finger and thumb, laughs Rose-Mary.

Laszlo turned to his girlfriend:

-Forget Sylvia's birthday, I have a better idea!  
-I think I have the same one, smiles Nadja.

Nadja took Malcolm upstairs and dragged him with her. Laszlo for his part disappeared into another room, only to come out with a big crucifix and a bible, to go upstairs himself.

-I'm gonna go...Rose-Mary began.  
-Take all the cash you can find, just wait for me for the items and the jewelry. I'll keep my favorites and you don't want any fakes or cursed items. The combination to the safe is in his desk in the drawer, just said Tera lying on her back continuing to smoke.

Rose-Mary couldn't ask for more to run to the office. Upstairs, a scream was heard, followed by laughter.

-Kids.

Present

-You sick fucks, said Nandor.  
-The Aristocrats, laugh Colin.  
-You're just jealous, said Laszlo with a eaten shitting smile.-Besides, they always told me to save some room for him until I was married.  
-I wasn't even a Christian and I think it's wrong," says Jenna.  
-Prude! In any case, the queen proved to be the most charming company and we would spend a pleasant vacations in her company. But all good things must come to an end...

Flash-back

-Queen...  
-Laszlo, sweetie, I already told you it's just Tera now. My kingdom is long gone, I'm not going to ask people to keep calling Tera, queen of Egypt, daughter of Antef, monarch of the north and south, daughter of the sun and queen of the tiaras every time I enter a room. How pathetic would be to cling to a past glory like that?

Present

-Do you have something to tell me, Cravensworth? Nandor asked with an angry expression.  
-If the hat fits you, Laszlo smiles.

Flash-Back

-You know you don't have to leave, this is your home after all," said Laszlo.  
-Only legally. It's a cold house decorated with pieces of dead bodies, stolen treasures and the stupid ideas of an old fool. No thanks, I took what I wanted, so you can keep the rest : sold it or set it on fire and danced around it, I don't care.  
-We appreciate your company too.  
-And I appreciate yours. But I've slept for 4,500 years and 20 years as Margaret has managed to be even more boring. I need to see the world, it's not mine anymore but it could still be interesting.  
-I understand. But first I'd like to ask you a favor.  
-Boy, I already told you: I'm flattered but I could be your great-grandmother's great-grandmother multiplied by 500 time, says Tera more amused that anything else.  
-I still say you underestimate the eroticism of this sentence. I've always appreciated people with experience.  
-Don't make me give you a spanking in public," Tera continued.  
-Don't tease me by saying things like that! Laszlo replied. -But seriously, I'm gonna need your experience for a... friend. It's a pretty unique situation and my options are limited, Laszlo acknowledged.  
-Yes, of course, child. Let's go outside if you don't mind, so we won't be disturbed.

Outside

-So what's the problem with your friend, my dear boy? Tera asked.  
-My friend is with that woman. A true beauty on the outside than the inside. Almost as good as Nadja. They get along well despite an argument or two on occasion. They have an arrangement similar to ours: they are each with the person they love the most in the world, but that doesn't mean they can't occasionally go and see if the grass is always less green elsewhere.   
-But? ask Tera.  
-There's this guy... he's usually a guy but sometimes he's a girl or an animal. He always comes back, finds her, makes her cry and a generation later, it's off to another round! That fucking cockroach always comes back!  
-So let me get this straight: Nadja has a lover who is caught in a reincarnation circle and who breaks her heart every time? asked Tera.  
-No, you're not listening to me. I'm very invested in this friend's relationship and...  
-Laszlo Cravensworth... began to say in a stern voice, Tera.  
-All right, it's me and Nadja, admittedly frustrated Laszlo.  
-Good! Was that so hard to say?  
-No, recognized pouty Laszlo. -But you were in the same situation, right? How did I stop it? I can't talk to Nadja without sounding like a jealous lover. But it’s absolutely horrible, after each time she's in tears and it takes me months to put the pieces back together...Then the bastard comes back and the cycle starts all over again.  
-Laszlo, my dear boy, my case was special.I've only been reincarnated once, and I came out fast enough as you can see.   
-So it's hopeless, says Laszlo with his head in his hands.  
-I never said that," Tera said as she rubbed his back. -But I'm going to need details and it may be difficult, if not impossible. You still want to try?  
-Yes, more that anything.  
\- All right. So first of all, I don't think for a moment you sat on your hands because of your feelings for your girl and the other guy. Am I mistaken?  
-I may have decapitated him a few times. But it was very clean, one cut each time! I thought for a while that maybe that was the method, so I tried some different approaches.  
-And?  
-When he was reincarnated as a mouse, I turned into a cat and tried to devour him.   
-You tried to devour and shit Nadja's lover? Who’s say that romance is dead?  
-It was more like half digested, vomited and thrown in a pig trough. And he's coming back afterwards anyway!  
-You know why I came out of the circle of recarnation and he's stuck and by default Nadja?  
-That's why I'm here.  
-Because existing as Margaret was hell. I was a queen, a warrior, a strategist, a politician, a gift from the gods to men! And I was now a submissive creature, supposedly reduced to a decorative object and a breeding cow. Not to mention that poor excuse of a ass.  
-Oh, come on, it's at least a 7, I'll make love to that.  
-I know. What I am trying to explain is that normally, souls who are stuck in the cycle of multiple lives are stuck because they refuse to accept failure. Didn't it work in this life? Maybe it'll be different in the next one.  
-So that's the definition of insanity, right? Always doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result? What do I do then?  
-Nothing. You take care of Nadja and that's all. It has to be her, the other guy or if Bastet wants it, both realize it's doomed to fail. It's the only way the situation will change.  
-It fine if I can still cut his head off?  
-Well, it's negative reinforcement, can't hurt, I guess.  
-Except for him, I hope it hurt, said with a smile Laszlo.  
-I'm sure it is, Tera says. -Tell me, you and Nadja, how long has it been? the queen asked, changing the subject.  
-That we're together? Since I died, she had told me that she would teach me what was important and then we would see if I remain with her or go on my own. I... I felt good with her. More alive than when my heart was still beating. So we stayed together. We had to set some rules like our arrangement. I would never ask for anything from her that I couldn't give her myself.Why?  
-Didn't you ever want to make it official? I mean, it's very cute you're la vie Boheme but you don't want to be more than that? Civil marriage is a thing now, isn't it? Don't look at me like that, I'm just an old...  
-I thought about it, but... said Laszlo, shaking his head.  
-But what? Why do men always have problems with...  
-NO! I really wish she was my wife! But I don't think I could handle it if she said no.  
-Why would she say no?  
-Because marriage is the shittiest lottery? I'm the first one surprised to want to get married!I don't remember seeing a single happy marriage around me growing up.   
-It was commercial exchanges and sacrifices of virgins under another name, recognized the Queen. -But if you, in spite of everything, can desire it, why can't she? Ask Tera.

Laszlo had a moment of silence before finally saying:

-Nadja was once married.

Present

-WHAT? Guillermo and Jenna shouted.  
-That was when she was still human. And all I'm gonna say about. It's her private life and it's not a pleasant subject for her.   
-Off course.  
-Thank

Flash-back

-The son of a jackal," said Tera, lighting a cigarette. -Poor child, the gods be praised, she's clever.  
-I only learned it myself after a century to us be togeder. Not my finest moment.We had a fight, I don't even remember what it was about. At one point, I shouted that it was unfair that she knew so much about me and my personal life because she had hypnotized me when we met. I said a lot of things that my worst alcohol abuse hadn't gotten out of me. She said I was right and told me all about it. I wish she'd slapped me in the face instead, Laszlo said depressed. -She didn't say, but I understood: she was afraid I'd find her disgusting and broken. And the worst part is I can see why. What twisted is that?  
-I'm old, child. It's a full-time job not to be totally jaded.I mean, I mean, I'm impressed with photography, electricity, and breath mints but I was expecting a little more socializing.  
-Mint lozenges are one of your strong points for modern civilization? laughs Laszlo.  
-The mouth is the dirtiest of orifices, let's at least try to hide it," retorted the queen.   
-But you'll understand why I won't ask Nadja for her hand. I can understand she doesn't want to be in that position anymore.

Tera sighed before she took off her ring.

-Here you go.  
-Majesty, no offense, I think you're a beautiful woman with...  
-For Nadja! What kind of stupid joke has become my life for me to give a ring to the person who killed my fiancé? If you say she's not ready, I believe you. You know her better than I do. But after all this time togeder, I'd like to think that she's not going to think a ring is going to signal to you that she's now your mother and your whore.   
-Well…  
-Exception for the occasional role-play, I know. Don't insult my intelligence, you’re didn't invent much I don’t think beford! My point is, there's a reason everyone thinks you're married when they see you. Just save it for when the time comes.  
-Wasn't it cursed? Laszlo still asked hesitantly.  
-For my enemies and grave robbers. I'll give it to you, it will be fine.  
-Thank you, I don't know if I'm going to use it... says Laszlo.  
-It is an antique whose stone is a ruby whose size and purity could buy you the whole county. You could even play the card, you're the only person worthy of that ring since Tera, queen of Egypt, daughter of Antef, monarch of the north and south, daughter of the sun and queen of the tiaras.  
-I guess I could keep it, I mean if I have something to apologize for, it would be hard to stay mad at me for such a gift," Laszlo said as he picked up the ring.  
-That's all I'm asking. Are you ready to go home, my dear boy? We don't want the girls to think I'm molesting you!  
-Yes, thank you again, your maj... Tera.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) So, Tera is a character that I like very much and it is also a character that it is difficult not to see as a victim when for a modern reader: it is strongly implied that Margaret could be the reincarnation of Tera and that it is probably the fault of the professor (who wanted to prove his theories that the ancient Egyptians were similar to the English...sure). And her demonic possession is basically to grow a spine for Margaret. Also the exorcist? Margaret's father, her colleague, her fiancé and a random doctor who undresses Tera's mummy making extremely thirsty and humiliating comments while Margaret screams, implores them to at least leave a sheet for modesty her (yes, she feels what the mummy is going through). I'm not the only one who's uncomfortable with heroes commenting on a sexual assault on her? Including her own father and fiancé?   
> 2) Tera's whole speech about Sekhmet is based on a lecture I got for one of my classes. We met the world specialist in the history of the vampire myth (and she is a really interesting, kind and passionate old latina lady). Sekhmet is one of the oldest examples of vampiric behavior and...she doesn't have a bad deity. She is dangerous but ultimately is a force for good.   
> 3) For Nadja to have been married before: given that Roma culture and the time when Nadja was born encourage very young marriages, the opposite would be surprising.


	6. The Dualitists

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Encounter of an enemy, several cameo and Guillermo gets impatient

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I confess that I might take a break from this story until the end of the season in case another revelation arrives. But I'm not giving up on it! There's going to be a lot of slang and cockney in this chapter (sorry again). Lexicon in the beginning again
> 
> Back slang : Stealing from someone who's been stealing from you before. By extension, returning the favour.  
> Bangers and mash : Trash  
> Bo-Peep: Sleep  
> Boated : transported to Australia. Fairly common punishment for repeat offenders.   
> Cat lap : A London society term for tea and coffee “used scornfully by drinkers of beer and strong waters ... in club-life is one of the more ignominious names given to champagne by men who prefer stronger liquors.” Three tries to guess what Rosemary wants.  
> Collie shangles : Quarrels.  
> Corn on the cob : Job  
> Cour des miracles: A badly frequented place or shady and undesirable individuals.  
> Donkey : so long  
> Flapdoodle: A sexually incompetent man, who is either too young to have had sex or one who is too old to attempt it ("flapdoodle" also referred to nonsense or rubbish and ladyparts in the same time period).   
> Full Monty : Everything  
> Gate of Rome : Home  
> Giovanni Battista Pergolesi : Italian musician of the 18th century known for his exclusively religious music.  
> Kruger-spoof : lie  
> Mydrum and bass : My place  
> Nanny Goat wedge: Boat  
> Powdering hair : An 18th century tavern term that means “getting drunk.”  
> Push and shover: Love  
> Sluice your gob : Take a good long drink  
> Take the egg : To win.   
> Vazey : Stupid.

Present

-Here I am, sorry again everyone, said Nadja, joining the others. -Did you go on with the story?  
-No, I wanted to wait. I just talked a little bit about Tera.  
-Great. We've resumed to the evening...

Flash-Back

-Are you gonna put on his stupid glasses for real? Laszlo complains.  
-My glasses are great and you know it! Rose-Mary said.  
-I support Laszlo, green sunglasses are a bit daring for tonight, says Nadja, taking it from her nose.

Rose-Mary grunted but didn't insist.

-Somebody's gonna check on Relen'eless too? Not bloody moore they dress in America!  
-I doubt he'll show up with a feathered headdress, Laszlo says dryly.  
-I agree, but maybe we should make sure he dresses in case, recognized Nadja. -You know, put on a cape.

There was a knock on the door.

-Someone got groceries delivered? Laszlo asked.

The women were shaking their heads in negation.

-I'll answer, Laszlo will see how our guest is doing, says Nadja. -And you, Rosie, don't you dare take your moldy mink!   
-Why won't you let me wear everything the full monty I push and shove?

Nadja went to answer the door to find Bram waiting.

-Bram, what are you doing here?  
-I'm sorry to bother you, but I really needed to see you...  
-Are you in mortal danger?  
-What?  
-Your life is in danger? Or your wife's? Because otherwise, I can't let you go up there.  
-I wouldn't have come if the circumstances weren't drastic! And I was worried, you being alone with this degenerate...  
-Wonder how I've survived the last five centuries without you, Nadja said sarcastically. -And Rosie says he's a perfect gentleman with her and didn't try anything on the maid.   
-Nadja please...  
-30 minutes, you have 30 minutes to explain the problem, we'll see what we can do and then you go! We have an important event to get to, ceded Nadja.  
-Thank you.  
-It's fine!

-Hello Bram, why are yer here? Rose-Mary asked half dressed.  
-Good evening, Miss Radclife. I had to talk with Nadja and Laszlo in private.  
-A quickie before we go? Rosie laughed.  
-Am I invited? said Laszlo as he joined them followed by Nandor.  
-Hey, looking good Relen'eless!  
-Thank you, I'm also quite sasticated, said Nandor.  
-It's not exactly traditional, but I can see the appeal of the military uniform," says Laszlo in detailing Nandor.

If one look could kill, Nandor would have been dead for good with Stoker's gaze.

-Let's go to the library, says Nadja leading Bram.   
-Shall I leave my clothes on before I join you? ask Laszlo following them.  
-I'm sure it's more important than that, isn't it? Nadja asked.  
-Yes," confirmed the Irishman.

-So, what's your big emergency? ask Nadja.  
-Well, how shall I put this... Florence...

Nadja, losing her patience, decided to just end it all by using her hypnosis:

-What's on your mind, Abramham?  
-My wife is pregnant!  
Nadja and Laszlo were at first surprised before they started laughing:

-Is that what you're worried about, really? Oh my poor stupid lamb, said Nadja as she hugged him.  
-Congratulations, Daddy," Laszlo said with ruffling his hair.  
-I don't know what to say... says Bram confused.  
-Did you think we'd get mad at you for doing your conjugal duty? And that it paid off? We're better than that, come on! continued Laszlo.  
-And don't feel guilty if you have to diminish our encounters or even if you want to stop. We understand that it's harder with a child...Nadja commented.  
-No! Let's not put the cart before the horse, anything can happen at the beginning," says Bram hastily.  
-You don't want to jink it? I understand, said Nadja.   
-Again, that's great news, but we're gonna have to kick you out. But if there's a problem, don't hesitate. We'll understand. Can you find your way out alone? Laszlo asked.  
-Yes, I'll leave you to it, have a good evening.  
-Bye-bye.

Present

-So we arrive at the ball, me, Laszlo, Nandor and Rosie.

Flash-Back

The whole group is heading a huge edifice with no sign of life.

-Are we in the right place? Laszlo asked his wife.  
-I think so.

Nadja then noticed a sort of wicket where a person was sitting.

-Let's try to talk to him.

Upon closer inspection, the individual revealed himself to be a young man who appeared to be in his late teens. Tall, muscular, with dark hair and eyes, he was reading a book, which he abandoned as soon as he saw the group arrive.

-Good evening, how can I help you?   
-Good evening, I just wanted to know we were at the right place for the ball hosted by Baron Afanas, ask Laszlo.  
-You've come to the right place, I just need your names please.  
-Laszlo Cravensworth and there my dear lady companion Nadja.  
-I don't have a last name, but...  
-It's nothing, Nadja from Paidiá tis Lamías ?   
-Yes! That's my island! You pronounced the name well, said Nadja impressed.  
-Thank you Miss, it's a great compliment from a native," said the young man. -Oh, and Mr. Cravensworth, if you wish, the clavecin est a votre disposition.  
-Really? Such charming attention!  
-Don't get too excited. You don't know what people want from you. The devil saves us from Pergolesi!  
-Isn't he the worst? Laszlo laughs.

Nandor noticed that the young man's eyes took on a blue tint from time to time. An energy vampire, of course. Staying aware of what he ate.

-I'm sure he is, but we have two guests accompanying us, Nadja cut him.  
-I'm going to ask you to tell your relationship with the so-called guests," said the young man calmly.  
-This is Rose-Mary Radclife, said Nadja when introducing the blonde. -She is included in all our future projects.  
-Good evening sir," said Rosie-Mary, softening her accent as much as possible.  
-You can talk normally miss, I just need to know if who turned you," the young man reassured her.  
-Heu..it's complicated...  
-Her sir has passed away for good, but my partner and I formed her from the very first moments, so it must have some value, try Laszlo.  
-Of course, but rules are rules...So, I'm going to need one of you to claim her creation for all of us to simplify our lives," said the young man with a knowing smile.  
-Put my name, said Nadja.  
-Perfect. What about your other guest?  
-Oh him! He's a guest I think the Baron will be more than delighted to meet, says Laszlo pointing Nandor  
-Really?   
-Yes, it's Nandor the Relenteless, explain Nadja.  
-Didn't die permanently in America? asked the young man suddenly intrigued.  
-Who started this stupid rumor? Nandor asked. -To think that I, Nandor the Relenteless, could have died stupidly in America!

The young man detailed Nandor from top to bottom, more and more confused. He ends up taking out a sign with writing on it : Back in 15 minutes.

-Follow me, please.

-Could you wait for me here please? Feel free to have a drink, he said, pointing to a man whose throat had been slit and whose blood was flowing in a fountain.

As he abandoned them, Rose-Mary asked the dreaded question:

-Do you think that's we take the egg?   
-Why should we get eggs? ask Nandor.  
-We're just the messages, we'll be fine, I promise, said Nadja trying to hide her concern.  
-Let's sluice your gob, Laszlo proposed. -Would you like a drink too, Nandor? And you darling?  
-I'd love to.  
-Yes, please. 

Laszlo executed but then he heard:

-Nadja, Laszlo! I didn't know it was a charity ball, said a voice with a French accent. -Or perhaps you were hoping to find some people desperate enough to trade pennies for your favours?

Nadja and Laszlo's eyes turn red. Behind them had emerged a vampire of high and strong stature with almost bluish black hair and cold grey eyes. He was dressed in the latest fashion and wore an excessive amount of jewellery.

-Raymond Gilbert, shouldn't you be busy playing bogeyman somewhere? ask coldly Laszlo.  
-Or going to sit on a crucifix? said Nadja just as crudely.  
-How rude but I shouldn't expect better from an uneducated beggar and a bastard conceived in a brothel! And who's with you?  
-None your business, vazey flapdoodle, said Rose-Mary.  
-Oh, you found her in East End. Thief or whore? Probably both since she's with you! 

Laszlo was going to hit him but Nadja's holding him back.

-That's what he wants! Don't give him the satisfaction!  
-And the big swarthy one is? continued Raymond.  
-Nandor the Relenteless and you? Nandor asked coldly.

Raymond Gilbert's attitude then changed completely.

-Nandor the Relenteless? Aren’t you part of the royalty of the Ottoman Empire?  
-Well, given the political situation at the time...  
-I'm sorry to hear that. How did you end up with the... la cour des miracles here? Raymond asked, throwing a disgusted look at the others.  
-It's complicated...Nandor began surprised by the change in attitude.  
-Let me borrow you for a minute," said the Frenchman, taking him by the arm to take him somewhere else. -I'm sure Nadja, Laszlo and the East End rat will understand.  
-Actualy...  
-Thank you, not everyone is mature enough to understand when they are too unfit ," Raymond said with a wicked smile to the other three, taking Nandor with him.  
-Have we just been let down by the Relen'eless? Rosie asked.

Nadja's face took its beastly shape and broke her glass, ready to drive the debris into Raymond's or Nandor's eyes. But Laszlo's holding her back.

-It's not worth it.

Present

-I've come back, Nandor says. -Yes, you could have given me a better welcome and you were a bit eccentric for my tastes but I wasn't going to abandon you for the first asshole that came along. Especially not a fucking guy like Raymond Gilbert.

Guillermo nods his head with a horrified expression.

-Well you'll understand that after what he said and you followed her, had reason to doubt, said Laszlo.  
-It had the opposite effect, said amused Nandor.  
-What you mean?

Flash-Back

-Ah! Aren't we better off as equals? ask the french man.  
-Depends on your definition, Nandor said coldly.   
-We are the elite of our societies, mortal or immortal. I am part of the nobility of France, I was richer than the king himself and I am the winner of many wars like you. And I have great respect for your culture, which I find fascinating. I even have a collection of poetry by Mehmed XII.   
-I'm not an ottoman, Nandor says flatly.  
-I know we're not practicing our faith anymore...  
-I'm from Al Qualadar. I had alliances with the Ottoman Empire, but I was never their manservant. And my culture has nothing to do with theirs! Hell, the Ottoman Empire is huge, depending on the region it's extremely different. It's like saying that France and England are almost identical!  
-I didn't mean to...  
-It doesn't matter. But I knew well Mehmed.  
-Oh really?Raymond asked, happy that he still had a chance.   
-Yes, became vampires around the same time. But he died for real. Fell into a vat of holy water. No one was really surprised because... you know his advisors and generals were the ones who really allowed the advances during his reign. He was too busy fucking toddlers, killing them when they got too hard to control and managed to write really boring poetry about it. But I'm sure your version is a translation that the author managed to make interesting, Nandor concluded.  
-I, uh...  
-But I cut you off when you were talking about equals. Why don't you think Nadja, Laszlo and Rose-Mary are worthy of us?  
-Oh, they're parasites, you don't want them around. Nadja is a gypsy from ...Greece I think. An uneducated beggar who doesn't know her place and believes that being a whore who doesn't charge makes her the new Lilith!   
-Impressively, the Balkans were a dangerous place for destitute women of a race that is the scapegoat for many. And she's barely two centuries younger than me. Getting this far into undead society with so little means, she must be incredibly resourceful and ambitious.   
-Laszlo is a bastard, son of a whore and grandson of a madam running the biggest brothel in the East of England. His mother was knocked up by a very rich nobleman, but with such a low nobility title, he might as well have been a bourgeois. The fact that he lacked of sons is the only reason Laszlo was even recognized.  
-There is no such difference in my culture: your child is yours whether it is the result of a night with one of your wives, concubines or even just a maid who kept you company one night when you felt lonely. But I suppose it's something that people must have constantly reminded him of. To have such resilience and pride in these conditions is admirable, isn't it?   
-You're not gonna tell me you like their rat too?  
-Rose-Mary? I like her a lot. She offers me her lodging without asking for anything in exchange, makes me discover the city and even if I have trouble understanding her sometimes, I suspect it's just the way young people communicate. Sharing her little resource with a smile and respecting her elders is more than I was hopping from a so young vampire. 

Raymond Gilbert looks at him confused, realizing that Nandor had already chosen his side.

-To answer your question, I think I'm more than worthy of them and vice versa. But I understand that you feel intimidated by people superior to you. Don't worry, if you look closely, you will surely find someone similar to you. Good luck," said Nandor in a jovial voice before walking away.

Present

Guillermo alone

-My master sometimes needs encouragement but when he wants to, he can be really cool," Guillermo says proudly.

Return to the groupe 

-You told him that? For real? asked Nadja confused.  
-Sure, and I meant every word, Nandor said.  
-Thank you, said Nadja.  
-Yes, thanks you Nandor, said Laszlo trying to control his voice.  
-You all right, Laszlo?  
-Yeah, I-I think I'm having an allergic reaction, it'll go away.  
-Do you need antihistamine?   
-Nobody asked you, Gizmo!

Nandor alone

-As much as I now appreciate Nadja and Laszlo, I won't deny that it was fun to see the vein in Raymond Gilbert's forehead grow with every comment. I came pretty close to the reality to as well.

Flash-Back

-So Christopher, what was this emergency of the utmost importance? asked the Baron following the young energy vampire.  
-Baron, said Nadja, Laszlo and Rose-Mary in greeting this one.  
-Nadja, Laszlo, I'm glad to see you. But where is this survivor of the Americas?  
-I'm here, Nandor says proudly.  
-And you are...? asked the Baron.  
-This is Nandor the Relenteless, he was one of the nocturnal vampires sent on the first attempt to colonize America and as far as we know, the only survivor among," Christopher explained.  
-Your kind had better luck, Christopher. But tell me, Nandor, why did you come back to Europe?   
-Because I was alone... but if I could get troops, I'd go back there without any problem! Nandor adds quickly.  
-We could indeed benefit from your observations. But I have my doubts about firing you, at least as chief of operations. It would be unfair to the others present. I also understand that you were hosted by Nadja and Laszlo.  
-That's right Baron, we took it upon ourselves to take care of Nandor," said Laszlo.  
-With the help of our dear friend, Rose-Mary, Nadja corrected him.  
-It is an honour to be in your presence Baron, says this one.  
\- All right. That's very generous of you. If you want to explain your plan to me in turn and why you should be chosen, I'm all ears.  
-Of course, Baron, say Nadja and Laszlo.  
-Enjoy the evening. Christopher, you, too, said the Baron.  
-There are still several guests who…  
-I can tolerate fashionable late, but at this hour it's disrespectful. They're all uninvited!  
-Very well, Baron Afanas. Thank you.

The Baron left them and Christopher did the same after a polite greeting.

Present

-I thought the Baron was a little... disrespectful in his reaction. I mean, I've succeeded where everyone else has failed, I deserve some recognition, Nandor complains.

Flash-back

Nandor appearing in a closet whispering insults while tearing papers.

Present

-So Nandor had proved to be a mediocre advantage, but it still allowed us to get noticed, Nadja explained.  
-We still enjoyed the evening and even bumped into some old friends, said Laszlo.

Flash-back

-Laszlo? Laszlo Cravensworth?   
-Viago. Long time, no see.

The German vampire comes to shake Laszlo's hand.

-I think the last time we saw each other was during the Napoleonic Wars.  
-Yeah, fun time, Laszlo answered.  
-Oh, not so much. I don't like wars; too many widows, orphans, not to mention the waste of food. It's better for humans to enjoy life and give it rather than take it.  
-Always a sensitive soul I see.  
-Gulty! How's your girlfriend? Nadia?  
-Nadja.  
-Oh I’m sorry…  
-Not a big deal. She's fine. She's talking with the Baron.

Present

-And how was the talk? Colin asked.

Flash-Back Nadja

-If you think you can conquer the new world, I trust you, my dear, but know that I will have your head if you fail.  
-What are you saying?  
-Can I resume or ….  
-YES!

Flash-back Laszlo

-Did you come alone? Laszlo asked.  
-No. Not everyone is here, unfortunately. Petyr stayed home. He doesn't like to go out much and since the incident in 745, he doesn't talk to Afanas anymore.  
-What happened?  
-If I told you, I'd have to kill you. 

Laszlo began to laugh before he noticed Viago's expression.

-I promised, I'm sorry.  
-That bad?  
-Oh, yes, it is belive me. And Vladislav went off with the beas... I mean Pauline! They're in Russia, I think.  
-According to my dear lover Nadja, she's an...interesting woman.  
-That's the real word she uses to describe her or…  
-You don't want to hear the term she's using.  
-Anyway. So it's just me and Deacon, Petyr's new little. He' s an adorable demon full of malice.  
-Good evening, said Nadja as she joined them. -I'm glad to see you again, Count.  
-Mademoiselle, Viago said, kissing her hand. -Nice to see you again and please just call me Viago.   
-The compliment's mine, Viago.   
-How was the talk with the baron? Laszlo asked to his girlfriend.  
-Good, really good. Where has Nandor gone?  
-He said he needed to freshen up. And maybe if I go looking for him after I talk to the Baron. And Rosie while I'm at it.  
-She's right there with the boy in the fur jacket, said Nadja.  
-Oh, that's Deacon! He's the new vampire created by Petyr, Viago explained.

Suddenly his expression changed followed by Nadja's.

-Deacon Brucke! Stop it right now! Scream Viago.  
-Should I... started Laszlo.  
-I'll take care of it, just find Nandor and go talk to the Baron, said Nadja.

Present

-And what did you start with? -Sasked Colin.

Flash Back

-I beg you’re pardon?  
-Did you listen to my instructions, Laszlo? asked the Baron.  
-Off cours! I…OOOOHHHH!!!!

Flash-back Nadja

-Deacon Brucke, you apologize now!  
-But I didn't do anything! It's that bitch…  
-I don't want to hear it! You apologize to Rose-Mary right now!  
-I'm sorry…  
-I accept your apology.  
-...that you're a thieving bitch.  
-He just wanted an excuse to grope me!  
-Nadja, I'm so sorry. I hope it won't be cold between us? asked Viago who would have turned scarlet if he could have. -I hope little Rosie can accept my apology instead of Deacon's.  
-Of course she can, says Nadja, giving the cockney a dark look.  
-Yeah, no problem.   
-Thank you for your understanding. Give my regards to Laszlo. And you, Viago said to Deacon. -We'll see what Petyr thinks of your behaviour when we get home.  
-BUT I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!!!!!! Deacon shouted as Viago dragged him outside.

Nadja turned to Rose-Mary once they were out of range.

-You stole him, didn't you?  
-Not before he tried to grope me, awkwardly tried to explain Rosie. -I just want back slang him.  
-Of course, says Nadja, who doesn't believe a word of it. -Let's find Laszlo and Nandor and get out of here.

-Seriously, why are yer so angry? Ask Rose-Mary while they were all out.  
-Because it's an amazing opportunity and you're not taking it bloody seriously! Nadja got angry.  
-For you. Not old me.  
-Don't be ridiculous, you're coming!  
-What if I don't want to?  
-Why wouldn't you want to? continued Nadja.  
-Maybe hunting redskins and beavers in a wilderness outpost isn't for me. If it was, I wouldn't have tried to avoid Boated! I'm a city girl, me! And I'm fine here. I've got food, contacts, a gate of rome and even a fucking corn on the cob that I love! And wot would I do while you, Laszlo and Nandor live the life a pasha? I am nothing!  
-Really, do you want to collie shangles tonight? Laszlo asked tiredly.  
-Did yer want wait till I got on the nanny goat maybe?  
-If you go there, which isn't sure," Nandor began.

That's probably the wrong thing to say given Rose-Mary's expression.

-So the bangers and mash is coming out of itself. Thanks for not kruger-spoof, Relen'eless. Thee can bo peep at mydrum and bass again donkey yer don’t touch my maid! , she said, throwing keys at him. -Me, I'm gonna powdering hair summat that's not fucking cat lap!

She turned into a bat and flew away. Nadja try to follow her but Laszlo stopped her.

-Leave her alone, she needs space.  
-No, I'm not gonna leave her alone like this.  
-You're gonna follow a vampire who can use the ether to her advantage and who knows the city like the back of her hand?  
-Do you have a bloody better idea? Nadja asked angrily.

Laszlo sighed before offering:

-She's probably at Whitechapel, I'll wait by a tavern she likes but wait for her to make the first move. Suits you well, my sweet baby?  
-I guess. Just let me know when she's with you, will you?  
-Off course.  
-Am I still going to her home or...? Nandor asked.  
-You're coming with me. Let's leave her alone if that's what she wants, but I want to make sure she's safe first.

Present

-So, I'm heading towards Whitechapel and…  
-I am sorry, this is all very interesting, but when is Van Helsing coming? Ask Guillermo. -Because so far you've talked about your cockney friend, your sex life with Bram Stoker, your meeting with my master, Raymond Gilbert, who I give it to you according to his wikipedia page, is the worst, a mummy and a lot of other things...but not Van Helsing.  
-How dare you interrupt us? This asshole has a minor role in that story and he will arrive when the time comes!" Laszlo got angry.  
-He actually arrived that night, Nandor says.  
-WHAT? cried the surprised couple.  
-Did you meet him that night? Laszlo asked his wife.  
-No, me and Nandor went straight home! I swear to you!  
-It's true, but... 

Nandor then took out a small book worn out by time. 

-It's his diary. I kept it as a souvenir. It's written in Dutch so I didn't really understand much other than dates and places. But yes, he arrived in London that night.

Nandor's expression seems melancholic and he holds the diary delicately.

-I understand the desire to keep trophy but you should have destroyed this junk, it deserves nothing better than to rot like its owner, Nadja says coldly. 

Nandor will immediately tighten his grip on the diary as if he was afraid that Nadja will do it herself.

-It's safe with me. Nothing bad can happen.

Guillermo alone.

Guillermo is installed with gloves and pliers delicately handle the diary with a book next to him where it writes Dutch for idiots.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1)So I think some people will have guessed Raymond Gilbert's inspiration and who Christopher is. It doesn't matter if you don't.  
> 2)The author doesn't know if it was Deacon or Rose-Mary who started it (could easily be both).  
> 3) I don't use exactly the same backsotries according to my stories as the series brings new developments. Sorry if it's confusing.  
> 4) Nandor may occasionally be cool and there's a reason those three still hang out together.  
> 5) Hopefully, next chapter: Guillermo will be able to translate his ancestor's diary and we will be what happened in Whitechapel.


	7. The Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At last we meet Van Helsing, and learn the truth about Jack the Ripper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So before the lexicon, warning:one character you're about to meet is a racist. I don't use any inappropriate terms, but his opinions are terrible. He's an asshole and he doesn't represent my views. Also, what Jack the Ripper did is horrible... But in this universe, he's Laszlo. Trying to make sympathy or excuse the fact that he murdered at least five women whose only crime was being abused by the society is against everything I believe. But I have tried to find an explanation and let's remember that at least 3 vampires are war criminals and that we love them despite everything (Vladislav, Nandor and Deacon). Also, I gave up trying to keep up with the dates since the show doesn't seem to care either. Thank.
> 
> Attitude: A state of drunkenness; being high   
> Aunt Nell : smell  
> Balsam : Money  
> Barney Rubble : Double or Trouble.  
> Bird lime : Lady time  
> Bricky : Brave or fearless. “Adroit after the manner of a brick," Forrester writes, "said even of the other sex, 'What a bricky girl she is.'” Say what you want but Nadja is definitely brave.  
> Collard and cuff or Puff for short: An effeminate man, suggestive either by their neatness of dress, or by "powder puff". (It's used more as an insult to the rich than anything else.)  
> Damfino : This creative cuss is a contraction of “damned if I know.”  
> Ding Dong Bell or Bell: Hell  
> Drum and Bass:My place  
> French Bandruche or French Lettle : Condoms. Yes, it was already there.It's been around since at least the early 18th century. Yes, it was hard to find and people judge you (they still do) but shock, the companies that produced them were ridiculously rich.   
> Gal-sneaker: An 1870 term for "a man devoted to seduction.”   
> Half-Rats : Partially intoxicated.   
> Jellied : Feel it  
> Lily: Drink  
> Mumbling cover: A shabby person or an unpleasant, deceitful landlord  
> Nelly mind : Nevermind   
> Park : Give  
> Play doggy: Doggy style  
> Podsnappery : This term, Forrester writers, describes a person with a “wilful determination to ignore the objectionable or inconvenient, at the same time assuming airs of superior virtue and noble resignation.” That pretty much sums up Laszlo.  
> Rag-Water : Intoxicating liquor of all kinds. If frequently taken to excess, will reduce any person to rages.   
> Rattle and Hum: Come  
> Scapa flow : go  
> Squeakers: A child  
> Summat eat : Something to eat  
> Vazey : Stupid.

Guillermo alone

-My Dutch is a bit approximate but I think I've managed to understand the broad outlines. Let's get to it.

London 18XX

I've finally reached my destination. I would have wished to visit England under more happier circumstances, but that's life. England is one of Europe's favourite centres of activity for Vampires, along with France, Germany, the Balkans and parts of Russia. The climate, the population and the cultural aspect are favourable to them. But they all seem to have moved here for one reason or another. I fear the worst about their intentions. Fortunately, I managed to communicate with several gentlemen ready to help me in my quest.

Flash-Back

A man resembling to Guillermo but with a paler complexion, brown hair and blue eyes was waiting at the port. He looks at his pocket watch, nervous. Finally, a man arrived. Van Helsing tries to talk to him, but the man passes in front of him without a glance to go to the Captain.

-Excuse me, I'm looking for a foreign doctor of German origin. I was supposed to meet him here.

The captain pointed to Van Helsing under the man's incredulous look.

-Doctor Seward? Hi, I'm Professor Van Helsing... and i’m dutch.  
-Oh, yes it me. My apologies, you... you're not what I imagined.  
-I hear that a lot. I got here as soon as I could after I got your letter.  
-Greast, come with me in that case. The carriage is waiting for us…  
-Uh... my equipment?  
-Sigh. Let me see if the driver can fit everything in the luggage rack. 

-Professor Van Helsing, let me introduce my associates: Arthur Holmwood and Quincy Morris.

Present

-It seems Van Helsing had a talent for drawing. He represented the three men," said Guillermo. -Here we have Dr. John Seward...Who looks like an undertaker who hates children. Arthur Holmwood, futur Lord Godalming…Adult Dudley Dursley but the book accurate, I would say. And Quincey Morris ...Coloner Sander if someone wanted to make a younger, hotter version? said Guillermo as he show the drawings to the cameraman. -Yes, think it work. 

Flash-Back

-Nice to meet you all," said Van Helsing. -I understand you're aware that many myths are in fact based on fact. 

-Yes, my family has studied this things for many generations," says Seward. -My great-uncle was cruelly murdered by one of his creatures.  
-I am sorry for your loss," said Van Helsing.  
-I never knew him. My associates also have their own reasons for being here.  
-As a nobleman, it is my responsibility to protect England from her enemies. I refuse to let this monsters invade my country, Arthur says.   
-I'm sorry to tell you, but it's a little late for that.  
-What? Arthur shouted.  
-There are many of them in England and... many of them are locals. There are several well-known cases like Lord Ruthven, Julia Stone or the Cravensworth case.   
-Not forgetting that the vampire attacking my great uncle was a local too, Seward confirmed.  
-A degenerate from the East End doesn't count! And where did the other three come from? the nobleman asked in frustration.  
-Ruthven is of Scottish origin but grew up in London before becoming a vampire, Mrs. Stone was from Sussex and the Cravensworth lands are in Derbyshire, says Van Helsing checking his notes.  
-First of all, a Scotsman is not a true Englishman just more acceptable than an Irishman. Sussex has had a lot of problems with Germans and heathens. And Derbyshire? That's the deep country! Nobody goes there, it's just a market stall for the rest of the country. Don't compare it to English roses.  
-Very well," said Van Helsing, deciding not to push things.  
-Personally, I'm here for the sport," Quincy said, revealing his accent.  
-Oh, you're American? Says Van Helsing.  
-Born and raised in Texas! We got a lot of filthy beast out there, but the bloodsuckers nothing if you don't count the mosquitoes.  
-They are a little more dangerous than mosquitoes," said Van Helsing.  
-Don't worry, this isn't my first rodeo. I've hunted bears, wild boars, originals, big cats and even aligators.  
-Even though some vampires have regressed to near-animal levels, many of them retain their intelligence and talents. I recognize that their impulsivity and difficulty has evolved often plays against them but underestimating them would be dangerous, try to explain Van Helsing.  
-Ah, so you're confirming that they're just n…

Present

-No. I'm not going to say that word. Or this one. Or that one and definitely not that one. I have no idea what that one means, but I'm sure it's not nice. What the hell? Who's calling people from Eastern Europe yellow n... No. I'm not gonna say it. No. No. No. You know what? Screw you Quincy Morris, I'm glad you're dying at the end!

Guillermo calmed down before finishing.

-I must admit, I wonder what I've gotten myself into. I don't know if I can trust them, but my comfort is not the most important thing. I need to find out what the vampires are up to, protect the innocents and if possible give rest to these sick and crazy souls. This is my sacred mission. I'll ask Dr. Seward to give me the files he has at his disposal to see. And I must be grateful to Mr. Holdwood for offering to put me up in one of his residences. I am rarely entitled to such treatment. We'll start the plan of attack tomorrow.

Guillermo took a deep breath.

-He doesn't seem like a bad guy right now. He doesn't like Morris' racist anyway. That's a plus for the times.

Back to the vampires.

-So I was in Whitechapel, a stone's throw from the Blind Beggar's tavern, when…

Flash-Back

-My pretty mister, wot does a handsome chap like yer do alone? Wouldn t yer like some company? asked a woman in her late 40s.

She had brown hair, blue eyes and hard features. She was in pretty bad shape and when she tried to smile, she reveal that most of the teeth were rotten. Even if Laszlo hadn't had a mission, that would've been a solid no. But let's be polite to the poor girl.

-Very kind, belle de nuit but not tonight, I'm waiting for someone, Laszlo replied politely.  
-Rattle and hum on, my prince, a quick one in alley! Dark Annie will take care of you! she insisted, pulling Laszlo by the arm.  
-I said no! Do the franky's me alone! Laszlo shouted, losing his temper. -Scapa flow find thissen another scoundrel!   
\- I need money, vazey collar and cuff! Fringe like a princess, yer clearly have some!  
-For your squeaker or the rag-water? My money's on the second has your aunt nell ! Shit, you know what?

Laszlo pulls out his wallet and takes out a few coins. But rather than give them to the prostitute, he threw them in a puddle of dirty water.

-Fetch it! he told her coldly before leaving the area, waiting for the jet of insults that would follow.

The insults would never happen. But a brick hit him in the back of the head. Laszlo fell to the ground, stunned. The prostitute took advantage of the occasion to take his wallet. Laszlo figured out what she was doing, tried to get up.

-You cu...AAAAAHHHH!!!

The prostitute had hit him between the legs and Laszlo fell to the ground with tears in him eyes as she ran away with his wallet. Laszlo stayed on the ground crying until the pain disappeared and was replaced by anger.

Annie Chapman had managed to escape the puff and with what hhe had in his wallet , she wouldn't have to worry about housing for a while. She'd even have enough to pay off her debt and some drinks. But as she turned a corner, she came face to face with the puff.

He looked a lot different now and not just because of his dirty clothes or the blood in his hair. His face had more in common with one of a beast than a man, his eyes were red and yellow, fangs were coming out of his mouth. 

-God, what bell are you?  
-Thee ll find out soon enough. Fauve!

Laszlo then took on the appearance of a feline creature with only a few facial features and the posture of a man. Annie wanted to scream but the monster jumped on her.

Present

-Laszlo...Jenna said horrified.  
-She kicked me in the balls, Laszlo defended himself. -And steal my wallet.  
-Overkill maybe? proposed Nadja.  
-Maybe, recognized Laszlo.  
-But then, aren't you responsible for Polly Nichols? asked Colin.  
-Yes, it's my fault. But the circumstances were different. I was a regular of Polly…

Flash-Back

-Hey Polly! said Laszlo clearly drunk but in a good mood. 

A woman in her early 40s with brown hair and brown eyes. At first she is surprised but reassures by recognizing her regular.

-Hey Lucius, do yer want some company before scapa flow home?   
-If you please, miss Nichols.  
-I would, but my mumbling cove kicked me out, so it's gonna be twice as much as usual.  
-It's not a problem.

He likes Polly and her vulva. Also, he doesn't want to look for someone cheaper but who is he's not sure of the quality. Laszlo rummages through his coat and finds the money he hands her without hesitation.

-What do you fancy, gal-sneaker?  
-I'm in a romantic mood so let's say play doggy against the dumpster over there.  
-Are yer sure? The re at a pretty good altitude, Polly says. - Maybe yer should just lean against wall let me do rest.  
-It's all right, have I ever had that problem?  
-Fine, it is your balsam after all.

Present

-So, we set up, and it's fine until I notice she's passing me one.  
-What do you mean? Nandor asked.  
-My penis isn't in her. She stuck it between her thighs to make it look like it is, but it's not! It's an old whore's trick that works with drunks, opium addicts and inexperienced teenagers but I wasn't that drunk! So I told her... 

Flash-Back

-Polly, I’m a good customer, I paid yer barney rubble, I put a FUCKING FRENCH BANDRUCHE on! The least yer can do is park me service I paid for!   
-I, uh…  
-Not on your nelly mind, I’ll replace myself!

Present

-She may have been right. Maybe I was more intoxicated than I thought," said Laszlo, who now seemed uncomfortable, even guilty.   
-Laszlo, what happened? Nadja asked softly but firmly.  
-I've repositioned myself. And it's good, really. All warm and soft and tight. And I smell blood. I thought she was having lady trouble. I felt a little bad for getting angry. I mean, she needed the money, and there's a lot of men that it disgusts. Not me, I think it's natural and...   
-Laszlo...said Nadja, her voice less soft but still firm.  
-She didn't have her lady problems. I just really badly repositioned myself.

Flash-back

-Thee know, yer could ve told me it was theer bird lime month. I would ve understood. And I kind like it. Thee know what, I ll park yer an extra for a few lily summat eat on the pub. What do yer think about that?   
-Gloo…  
-Polly?

Polly continued to make a gurgling sound and Laszlo realized what he had done.

-Heavenly god! Polly, I'm so sorry...

Present

Everyone's watching Laszlo in shock. Except Colin, who eats the discomfort like popcorn.

-Did you accidentally stab her with your penis? Guillermo asked.  
-I think so. I don't know how it happened…  
-You've put yourself in the wrong place, like you said, too fast and too hard. I mean we have ten times the strength and speed of a human. And because you were drunk, your reflexes were weakened. It all adds up to a chain reaction leading to you ripping someone apart with your genital, explain Nandor.  
-I didn't mean to! I swear it was an accident, Laszlo insisted with his face in his hands. -I liked Polly, and not just for her vulva. She was really nice.  
-My bunny, it's okay, we believe you. I... I accidentally decapitated a lover myself in the heat of the moment. These things happen, said Nadja rubbing her husband's back. -You were just over two centuries old. People do stupid things at that age.  
-You're not seriously consoling him because he feels bad for having disemboweled a girl with his dick," asked Guillermo with Jenna silently nodding in horror.  
-Guillermo, the guy already feels like shit, don't add to it! Nandor got angry.  
-I'm afraid to ask, but what happened next? Jenna asked.  
-I slit her throat. She was gonna die anyway, but I didn't want her to suffer for hours.  
-That's sweet, Lazlo. And three to nine other girls, how did that happen? asked Colin.  
-Three girls! As Jack the Ripper, I've claimed five victims, don't pin the others on me! Laszlo got angry. -It's part of his crap that documentaries try to make you believe about me. They're wrong about everything. They say I'm a misogynist, even though I love women and I've always supported the suffragette cause. That I hate sex and prostitutes when nothing could be further from the truth.  
-They're right about your mother being a prostitute, Colin says.   
-There's a difference between working in a luxury brothel for the elite and selling your ass in the worst part of London, Laszlo got angry. -And she stopped her career when she got pregnant with me. Besides, they also say I have mommy issues. It's a complete fabrication.  
-You have mommy issues. Just not the one they accuse you of having, Nadja scoffed.

Laszlo rolled his eyes but finally said:

-Whatever. But after those two incidents, I found out the Star started publishing those stupid Jack the Ripper letters. Totally fabricated, of course, although I admit the name is really cool. As much as I enjoyed the attention, I wouldn't have continued if it weren't for the other surprising factor.   
People felt bad for the victims!   
-Why do you find that surprising? Jenna asked shocked.  
-Because it was, baby. People are horrible pieces of shit. It was the norm to despise people above you and blame them for things beyond their control. It was common for groups of men to attack poor prostitutes because they were unclean and dirty creatures who chose to sell their bodies in the worst neighborhoods for a pittance in hopes of not making a bad encounter with no help from the police. Because it wasn't as if their options were limited and they hadn't rather dreamed of a better life. Oh, wait, that was bloody the cas! Nadja cried. -So yes, hearing people talk about them as fallen angels and poor sullied doves was surprising.   
-So I decided I was going to do it one last time. Because two girls, people could still pretend it's a coincidence. Three girls, they couldn't deny that a killer was coming after them. And people would think twice before actualy going after them. Not to mention all the social programs that were created as a result.

Guillermo looks at the camera with a look that says clearly: Are fucking kidding me?

-So, I'm dressed simpler and meet Miss Stride or Long Liz, as they call her. I decided to give her one last good evening before sacrificing her: I buy her drinks, fresh grapes and even a flower for her boutonniere. We weren't intimate, just kissing and cuddling a little. I hypnotized her and slit her throat. But I was almost surprised so I couldn't finish the job. So I had to find another one. I ran into Mrs Eddowes or Kate if you prefer. The poor thing was the death knell between liver failure and venereal disease. So I chose her. I admit the state of her body is quite impressive but I also slit his throat first so everything you see here was done postmortem. Ironically, they still blamed me for Long Liz's death. Knowing that, I would have spared Kate. But I was well-punished for what I did to her.

-What? Nadja spanked you? Joked Colin.  
-I wish.

Flash-Back

Sound of violent vomiting and whimpering pain behind the bathroom door.

-What's wrong with him? Bram asked.  
-Food poisoning, explained Nadja.  
-We can get that? Ask Rose-Mary.  
-If you eat trash like someone in the last stages of syphilis, yes," Nadja answered.  
-Is he going to get better? Rose-Mary asked worriedly.  
-Off cours, he just needs to sleep, drink water and he's on the lightest blood diet I can find for him.  
-Poor Laszlo, Bram says.

Present

-So that leaves only the last one, Mary-Ja... started Laszlo.  
-Gregor! Nadja realized.  
-I wanted to stop with 4 but when I saw her, I decided to kill to two birds with one rock. Just because he's a woman this time doesn't mean I'm gonna be nice!

Flash-Back

Laszlo is walking in Withechapel when he sees Nadja coming out of a house after kissing a woman. Laszlo smiles until he realizes who the woman is and his expression becomes angry.

-Oh, no. No, fucking no!

After Nadja is left, Laszlo will knock on the door. Mary-Jane Kelly singing, open the door:

-Good evening, my good man, what's that for?  
-Good evenin. I'm a friend of Nadja's and she told me that you need money. Maybe I can help? Sayd Laszlo every word with a forced expression.  
-Oh! Yes, that would help. Come in, please.  
-Thank you, said Laszlo.

Present

-I was gaving you the benefit of the doubt for that time because his head wasn't cut off, Nadja said.  
-He still slit her throat to the bone, the entire surface of her abdomen was…  
-Colin Robinson, that's enough. They can go get a book on the subject from the library if they're interested. There's plenty of that. I just... I don't like people making my wife cry, Laszlo says.   
-Aww, it's as cute … and still a little disturbing, said Jenna.

Guillermo alone

-I think I shall read some of Van Helsing's diary to take my mind off last story. 

Flash-Back

-It is very generous of Mr. Holmwood to let me settle in his cottage," said Van Helsing.  
-Don't be too grateful, I think he just wants you as close to him as possible to keep him of the trouble to looking for you, Seward said coldly. -Also, I've gathered notes from my great-uncle and his associates, if you still want to compare notes.  
-With pleasure," said Van Helsing.  
-Also your wife is waiting for you in the living room. I must say that I find it difficult to understand the logic of having her accompany you. Subjecting the weaker sex to such stress seems cruel and possibly complicates our work.   
-I don't necessarily think so, but I'd have to discuss it with her... if I were married.

Present

-Oh, no, said Guillermo.

He resumed his reading all the same:

-Faced with a accomplished fact, I understood that I had to confront the enemy who had found me. I asked Dr. Seward to leave, but he refused. So I had to let him come with me. I had no doubt what the poor lost soul who came to meet me would teach me.

Flash-Back

In the living room a beautiful girl in her twenties with long brown curls and bright hazel eyes was waiting for them. Van Helsing a moment's surprise when he saw her. The Countess Karnstein! That not good. Now he regrets letting Seward stay with him. Maybe getting her to talk will buy him some time.

-Good evening my darling, said the Countess in an Austrian accent.  
-Countess Karnstein, may I ask you to let the innocent out of this house and let us settle this between us?  
-If he will cut off your head and pack it up for me to leave, with pleasure," smiled the Countess with a smile full of teeth and dimples.  
-It was worth a try," said Van Helsing uncomfortably.

The Countess then lost her smile and took on a more bestial form, trying to get Van Helsing. He try to avoid her attack, only to fall between two pieces of furniture. Seward quickly run out of the room, leaving Van Helsing to his fate. He tried to get up, but his foot was stuck.

-Your luck has turned Van Helsing. Afanas will have no choice in seeing me bring him your corpse, but to put me in charge of the invasion of the Americas. Me and my children will be the new royal family on this vampire nation.  
-It is a good idea, but I think that without humans you will not last long," said Van Helsing, still trying to get out of the way pulling at his boot.  
-Fool, they will be our cattle and our slaves. And it'll be even better when I tell them what a pathetic death you've had!  
-Oh, wonderful! said Van Helsing with an enthusiastic sincerity.  
-What? You make fun of...ARG!!!!!!

Van Helsing had managed to pull the stake from his boot and drive it into the vampire's chest. She fell to ashes before she hit the ground. Seward, Holdwood and Morris would arrive at the same time. 

-Oh good heavens," said Holdwood, looking as though he was about to pass out.  
-Holy cow! said Morris, who seemed impressed. -Do they always fall in to dust after they die?   
-Depends on how old they are and how you kill them. With stake or beheading, they took the form that their corpses should have, so mostly dust for anyone over 100 years old. Would one of you be so kind as to bring me a box, a broom and a dust pan?  
-That's a good idea. We'll be able to analyze it... Seward began.  
-No! Those ashes belong to a human woman now. I'm going to wrap what's left of her and see if I can send her from distant relatives to be buried in her homeland. If there is no one who can or will do it, then I shall do it myself," said Van Helsing.  
-You're not serious? Seward said.  
-I am. This woman was once a human being who, according to all my research, was the most charming. She was someone's daughter, friend, sister at one time. We need to remember that person, not the monster that she had become. This person deserves respect and I will pray for the repose of her soul.   
-It's ridiculous, Seward complains.  
-Let him have his fantasy, doc. He's just sensitive. My uncle was the same way with his slaves. He buried them with even a little wooden cross instead of just burning the rest, Morris defended him, not noticing the disgust on Van Helsing's face.  
-Personally, I don't care as long as that filth is gone by tomorrow," said Holdwood with a shudder of disgust.   
-We may have a bigger problem on our hands," said Van Helsing. -I know why there are more of them than usual in the area.  
-How? Ask Seward.  
-Oh, if there's one thing they all seem to have in common it's how dramatic they are. Every time they realize you give them attention, they're going to act like they're the lead actor in a play. Great way to save you time and get them to reveal important information.

Present

-Oh that's so true," laughs Guillermo.

Flash-Back

-She said Afanas was in town," said a horrified Van Helsing.  
-Afa what? Ask Holdwood.  
-Baron Afanas is one of the members of what they call the royal family. The most dangerous, old and powerful vampires throughout Europe, Asia and Africa. It's always a bad sign when one of them is around. And she was also talking about invading the Americas, says a worried Van Helsing.  
-Well, good luck with that bitch! Morris scoffed. -It's never going to work! We've won every war we've ever fought!   
-Are you counting your civil war too? Holdwood asked.  
-The North has attacked us! And they just won by luck!My point is they don't stand a chance.  
-Really? Strange, usually when a more powerful society with better weapons invades another, the prognosis is not good, Seward mocked.  
-Like the original inhabitants of the Americas," Van Helsing added.  
-Don't compare us to a bunch of red-skinned monkey.  
-Take your chance then against people who have centuries of experience, ten times the strength and speed of your best athletes, can regenerate limbs, transform themselves into animals, hypnotize, move objects by thought, fly and in general, a surprise power that is unique to each one. And remember, most people don't believe in his creatures are even real.  
-...Sure, when you put it like that, recognized the American.  
-I propose that we let Professor Van Helsing clean up his mess, and we will review the situation tomorrow at breakfast," proposed Holdwood.  
-Good ideas, said Morris.  
-Work for me, said Seward.  
-Me too, said Van Helsing discouraged.

Present

-Oh God, give me strength, I fear what the future holds. And I'm beginning to doubt the effectiveness of my companions. I'm reduced to wishing they just weren't such a nuisance, concludes Guillermo. -He's... he's really different than I thought he was. And the way he talks about treating vampire remains like people, he's a man who believes in his morals. I wonder what he would think of the invasion by my master, Nadja and Laszlo," Guillermo says amused. 

Return to the vampires

-So when I've just finished my argument with Ms. Chapman, who did I see coming in?

Flash-Back

-Laszlo, are yer all right?

Rose-Mary was standing in front of him, clearly drunk, blood on her mouth and clothes, struggling to hold on to her legs.

-Not really, lass. I was mugged, I'm covered in dirt and I've been looking for you ever since I left the party. Tell me you at least found what you're looking for.  
-Mostly. I can half-rats...  
-I had noticed. So will you come home? Can you fly?  
-Not in a straight line...Is Nadja angry?

Laszlo sighed before saying:

-I think you know the answer. But she's really worried too. Can you explain to me what the fuss was about?  
-I don't jellied ell it, Laszlo. I'm... good at what I do. But I don't think I'm cut out for America. I'm gonna miss yer guys, but I don't want to be a burden you.  
-If you keep this altitude, you're sure to be," Laszlo replied.  
-Thee can't understand! Nadja is so bricky, I can't even hope one day to have her level even with immortality. Or a podsnappery like thee, my dead loss. And Relen'eless was a fucking Sultant! I'm a just west end rat.  
-Nandor was a king centuries ago. And if he seems to have a few more tricks up his sleeve, he's clearly lost some of his greatness. Also, lass, what is this pity party? Laszlo scold her. -You think you're the only one who had to prove yourself? Nadja is a poor woman from an alienated group like you! And she wasn't born in a country that was the jewel of civilization like you or me. She's from the Balkans. These countries are the prison bitches that the West and the Ottoman Empire pass over and over again. Not exactly the easiest start in life. Shit, even I had to prove myself!  
-You, English rose?Rosie said with a scornful laugh before escaping a hiccup.   
-Yes, me. I'm one of the most beautiful men who's ever lived, I'm brilliant, educated, fluent in several languages, master of several arts and...that's not enough. They made it clear to me that I'll never be good enough because my mother wasn't my father's fucking cousin. That these little brats would have their place in a freak show if it wasn't for their names and ancestors will always be better. That their past glories and titles were worth more than my family's money and land. It's not as bad as you two, but if it was hard on me, it must be hard on everyone. What the hell, if you're indicted with us, you can change the rules of the game. We'll be sent there to choose the foundations of this new kingdom. Do you want what the humans sent there? You're stressed out about looking good in front of a bunch of puritans and some lumberjacks?   
-Thee should have stopped after theer terrible childhood. Thee sold theer rejection of classes better.  
-Damfino, I'm tired and I want to go to bed.  
-All right, go ahead…  
-Oh no, Nadja will have my head if I leave you. We can go to my place or yours, but I won't let you go.  
-Relen'eless…  
-Is with Nadja in our lodging.  
-My drum and bass then.  
-Good, turn you into something small and I'll carry you. Bat!

Rosie turned into a snake and Laszlo took her between his paws and flew with her to her home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are ripperologists (term for people who study Jack and his murders) you will notice that I left some details like the fact that Jack's victims were strangled (which is often ignored in adaptations). I can't place it logically.  
> Mary Ann Nichols a.k.a. Polly: I guess she's the only one Laszlo slept with because she's the only one you see in his garden. Laszlo's accident with Polly is actually something that happens with some animals (bulls are infamous for that, hence the preference for insemination in cows).  
> Annie Chapman a.k.a. Dark Annie: I am sorry for her description but the books tend to say that she was not a beautiful woman even by Whitechapel standards and the coroner seems horrified by the condition of her teeth (again even by local standards). She had been kicked out of her pension, owed money to several people and had probably been assaulted perhaps because of it. The poor woman was desperate. And Laszlo deserves this kick.   
> Elisabeth Stride aka Long Liz: Several people have seen her walking around with a man who was going to drink with her. She had a fresh flower in her boutonniere and ate some reason (which is surprising again considering the place).So I go with Laszlo trying to be nice.  
> Catherine Eddowes a.k.a. Kate: She was at death's door and suffered from syphilis. That's why the letter we received with an infected kidney was believed to be true (it seems to be a bad joke from medical students...dicks!).   
> Mary Jane Kelly a.k.a. Marie-Jeanette: The only young and still pretty of Jack's victims. Also the one he was most cruel to. Gregor is the only way I can explain such violence. And even then, it's absolutely sordid when you read the description. Also a woman was seen leaving Mary-Jane's house before the murder.
> 
> Ps Congratulations to you if you recognize the vampires mentioned. And yes, I take off Nadja/Jenna from the tag. I like the ship, but I also like the family aspect and I thought it fit better to this story.


	8. Bengal Roses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guillermo realizes that this diary has information that vampires don't know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lexicon   
> Carpet : Three  
> Chuckaboo: A nickname given to a close friend (And this has to come back into fashion please)  
> Cuddle and Kiss: Miss  
> Filles de joie: French term for prostitutes  
> Golden Dawn: The real name is Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn. It's a secret organization studying magic and supernatural? (if it was really serious or just a bunch of guys playing ouija, I have no idea) but Bram Stoker would have been part of it. For this story, they're the mosquito club with a better budget.  
> Omi : Man  
> Rattle and hum : Come  
> Shake a flannin : Why say you're going to fight when you could say you're going to shake a flannin instead?   
> Squeakers: A child  
> The Star: Newspaper that helped Jack the Ripper's popularity.  
> Three penny upright : Cheap prostitute who takes three pennies for a quick against a wall.

-Well, shall we go on? asked Guillermo as he took over the diary.

Flash-Back

-I think we shall need reinforcements," said Van Helsing.  
-Surely we can bring men together between people from the Golden Dawn and hired by Mr. Holmwood's family," said Seward.  
-Make sure they know what they're getting into. Vampires won't do us any favors. Would you like me to show you the results of my research? So you can see their strengths and weaknesses? There are variations according to lineages and as in humans, everyone has the potential to run, swim, sing, ect... but not everyone has the talent.

Present

-Do I dare? -Guillermo asked the camera. -He'll probably just bring out the classics like the stake, beheading, sun and holy objects.

Flash-Back

-Show us your science, Helsing!" said Morris curiously.  
-Well, vampires fall into two categories: nocturnal and diurnal. The nocturnal feeds on blood while the diurnal feeds on energy. The first group is also biologically dead while the second group is biologically alive. These groups separate themselves into sub-categories such as …  
-We're trying to kill them, not breed them for contests," says Holmwood.  
-All right. For psychic vampires, there's no need to kill them. Just reduce their food source to a minimum and they'll be reduced to being no different than humans. They will all lose, even their supernatural longevity. They feed by causing boredom, anger, sadness, pity, attention and many other emotions depending on their sub-branches. Symbols of faith do not do anything to them to the contrary, many appreciate the worship centres but several rules like the need for an invitation also apply to them.  
-Places of worship? Ask Holdwood. -You mean it works as well with the real faith as it does with Catholic superstition?   
-Yes, blood vampires are sensitive to all faiths when she has enough people believing in her power. I like to think it's influenced by the believers' desire to protect the world from evil.

Present

-Oh that's sweet, says Guillermo.

Flash-Back

-I want to believe you, but it doesn't work barbaric cults like the Ottoman or Jewish cults? They killed Jesus, Holmwood says.  
-Yes, it works. And if you read the Bible well you will see that it was a Roman who finished Jesus," Van Helsing answered.

Present  
-Burn Holmwood!" Guillermo laughed.

Flash-back

-The weaknesses of the nocturnal if you remove the normal ones like stake in the heart, beheading, fire, sun even though some very old can tolerate it longer before it becomes lethal to them and the cold can numb them like amphibians but not kill them. Silver and garlic work most of the time even though the geographical area can influence it. I know that at least in an area where the metal was not naturally occurring, they had developed a reaction to iron instead. That's one of the reasons why, without taking them at face value, you should always talk to the locals. Garlic works or more precisely the plant of the allium family specific to their territories. Therefore badly taken you can use leek, onion, shallot, spring onion and chives even if their effectiveness will be less. The blood of a sick person can make them sick, that of a corpse is like eating spoiled products and the animal blood is digestible but much less nourishing.

-They like virgin blood, don't they? Seward asked.  
-Yeah, but... I don't know how psychological it is. I think it's like wine, some people can really taste it and others will swallow anything as long as it tastes good, answer Van Helsing.

Present

-What?" shouted Guillermo. -Don't they all know the difference? Are you telling me that if I had tested this with them, I could have given them anything and they'd never have known?

Flash-Back

-For the rest of the weaknesses, it is greatly influenced by the subspecies: Jiangshi from China are sensitive to the urine of Taoist priests, Adzes from East Africa smell the jealousy of people and by making their familiar very visible, the Stryzga from the Balkans or the most common species in Europe for its part is unable to get out of its coffin if a rose is placed on it …

Present

-Bullshit, Guillermo laughs. -I was willing to accept a lot of things, but this is ridiculous. My master makes me wash his coffin with a natural oil to keep it in good condition that contains rose and it's not like...the coffin gets stuck.

Later a little before sunset

Guillermo sprays some oil on the coffins of Nadja and Laszlo. Then he waits. Soon, Guillermo hears banging and angry exclamations.

-What the fuck is happening?  
-Our coffins are bloody stuck!  
-I noticed that, but how did it happen?  
-Laszlo! Priority! Somebody help us!

The test looks positive and he doesn't want to make them suffer more than possible. Even Laszlo.

-Hey, are you okay? Guillermo asked.  
-We're stuck! Do something!  
-Right away," said Guillermo, who took the opportunity to discreetly rub the oil before pulling the lid off the coffins (first Nadja, then Laszlo). 

Both fell gracelessly and Guillermo approached for help.

-Are you all right?  
-What do you think, idiot? Laszlo cried out.  
-Something's wrong with our coffins, says Nadja.  
-Maybe it's age or humidity? Guillermo tried. -I'll take a look at it if you want.  
-Thank you Guillermo, do it now, said Nadja as she got up.  
-Yes, do that now…

Laszlo interrupted to start sniffing loudly.

-Are you the one who smells like rose?  
-Uh... Yeah, it's my new shampoo. Don't you like it? Guillermo said, trying to keep calm.  
-Ah. I prefere hyacinth and lily, but that's good. Better than your old one, Laszlo says.  
-Do you want us to wait until you're finished with our coffins before we start the story? Nadja asked.  
-Please, I promise it won't be long.  
-Alright, latter Gizmo.

As soon as they left their crypts, Guillermo allowed himself a reaction:  
-It works, he was right! And it's so fucking obscure that even some vampires don't know about it! Nadja was right, this book is legitimately dangerous for them. What do I do now?

Latter

Guillermo's back with the diary.

-It's technically my legacy and it could help me protect the others on the council.

Flash-Back

-We'll have diversity for sure with what they're up to. I've got notes on some of the best known but there are some that stay hidden in the shadows. We should try to identify where they'll meet, explain Van Helsing. - They have certain celebrations and rituals related to the culture they have created for themselves such as...how can I put it? I know that many of them throw parties twice a year where they physically reconnect with each other.  
-You talking about festivals inspired by the decadent actions of the ancient Romans? asked Seward.  
-What? Ask Holdwood.  
-Orgy, boy! Morris laughed.  
-Please, in English now," insisted the future lord.   
-Hun...began Van Helsing  
-I'll explain later, promised Seward to Holdwood.  
-Otherwise, I know I could always wait for someone else to take the example of the Countess to get more information, but I do not want to cause innocent victims by my inaction. I suppose I could always check the newspapers to see if there's anything strange going on recently that might point us in the right direction. 

Present

-I was provided with journals and I was able to found several disturbing events that I suspect have paranormal roots, read Guillermo. -The one that intrigues me the most is the case of the Demeter where the crew has almost entirely disappeared except for the captain who was found attached to the rudder. I'd have to find out if it was a man's desperate effort to save his boat...or if something set him up like that. I also learned that the ship came from America. It might not be a coincidence, but I wouldn't put it at risk. 

Guillermo had a little laugh before he added:  
-It was, but you were still right.

Back to the group

-So after this crisis, me and Rosie went to join my dear Lady Nadja and Nandor…

Flash-Back

-Good evening to all, said Laszlo.  
-Soir'Nadja, Relen'eless and...Bram ? says surprise Rose-Mary. -What are yer doing here?  
-I was worried, said Bram.  
-We were all worried about you, Rose-Mary," said Nadja, holding back her anger.   
-Sure, but also about the front page of the Star, Bram says.  
-Well, she's fine and she's sorry... Said you're sorry, Laszlo asked.  
-I am, says Rose-Mary.  
-...We're gonna need the words too, Laszlo insists.   
-I'm sorry, Chuckaboo.  
-All right, don't talk about it anymore, says Nadja. -We have much more pressing matters to discuss.  
-Of course, so tell me, Bram, what else does the Star tell us? Sweeney Todd is back maybe? Laszlo mocked.  
-Almost, there's another killer on the loose. He just claimed his second murder last night! Bram said as he threw the paper at him.  
-What? Laszlo said as he grabbed it and started reading.  
-They're mourning two three penny upright from Whitechapel? said Rose-mary. -Is there owt more interesting? Kiss, roy, and squeakers killed in the neighborhood carpet times a day. Including two of my aunts and my cousins Diana, Daisy and Dick.  
-Did your aunt really call him Dick? Nandor said horrified. -Sounds cruel.  
-That's short for Richard, says Laszlo reading the paper. -But you're right, Bram. There is more compassion in this article than I have seen in my entire life for the filles de Joie.  
-I feel sorry for these girls and I'm glad that people realize that they are people, but that's not what I want to talk about, says Nadja. -We've heard from the Baron.  
-Already? Said Laszlo.   
-Good or bad? Rose-Mary asked.  
-You tell me, says Nadja. -It seems they at least took Nandor's information into account. But they decided to compete with us for the part.   
-Are we going to have to shake a flannin? Rose-Mary asked.  
-I wish, said Nandor. -These fucking guys want this game to be played between two competitions: 1) recruit as many vampires as possible who want to come under our orders and 2) who brings the most good to the cause whether it's money, contacts or enemy heads.  
-A bloody massage with that? Nadja says frustrated.  
-For the first one, it shouldn't be so hard, you have lots of acquaintances and friends among the undead," says Bram.  
-I suppose, we're cois popular after all, Laszlo says.   
-It's gonna take more that ass kissing and blackmail, Nadja declared. -It's going to take money, connections and heads," says Nadja as she looks at Rosie, Laszlo and Nandor in succession.   
-I'm not a noble…  
-Rosie, you're a bloody magpie. You could sleep on your treasure like a dragon with several companions if you wanted, Nadja said. -Laszlo and I will do what we can, but you will be needed. We don't pay for all of them, but we have to prove that we can manage our funds. Laszlo if you can find an aunt or uncle who can us …  
-I'm looking at my tree tonight to see what I have at my disposal," said Laszlo.  
-Nandor, I know we've only just met, but if we lead together in this adventure... Nadja began.  
-Whose head did you want me to cut the head off? Nandor asked.   
-I'm not... I'm not sure. I mean I know who the wet dream of the council would be but he's ... almost a legend, try to explain Nadja.   
-Nadja, you're not serious? Laszlo said in horror.  
-Who are you talking about? Ask Bram.  
-There's a man, a Dutchman. He's hunting ours kind, Nadja started.  
-A vampire hunter, laughs amused Nandor. -That's it?  
-You don't understand, he's not just some idiot who got lucky and killed two or three morons who thought they wares better than everyone else, said Laszlo. -This guy single-handedly destroyed real terror! Mobidus, Belladonna the Ancient, the Poisonous Hysteric, Ophelia, Trinity the Mistress of Torture and many others.   
-Doctor Oblangata, Veronica the sower of despair, Lord Von Sanguin, Eva the destroyer, and now rumor has it, Mircalla Karnsein and Jeremy d'Azzo, added Nadja.

Present

-What? said Guillermo surprised.  
-I know, it's terrifying, says Nadja. -If it's too much for you, you can get out by the time it's over…  
-No, I'm fine.

Guillermo alone

-Van Helsing spoke of killing the Countess, but the Knight of Azzo? Not a word. But at the same time, Nadja said it was a rumor. 

Flash-Back  
-Ok, I admit it's impressive, except for Ophelia and the doctor, I have no idea who they are, says Nandor.  
-Ophelia wasn't very impressive but she was such a nice girl," said Nadja.  
-And the doctor owes me five pounds, Laszlo explained.  
-Tragic, says Nandor. -But what is the name of a terrible mortal?  
-Uh... Von something? Nadja asked to her companion.  
-Elsang? Laszlo said hesitantly. -I think so.

Present

-It's been more than a century and a half and I still can't believe it! said an angry Nandor. -His name was Van Helsing! It sounds like Hell Sings! How could you forget a name that sounds so cool?  
-Well, Syphilis sounds like a cute name until someone tells you what it is," Laszlo replied.  
-And do you honestly think he introduces himself to everyone under his real name? Nadja says curtly.

Nandor seemed on the verge of retorting something but chose to remain silent, leaving the others to continue.

Flash-Back

-It's going to have an event organized by the Holdwood family that will be filled with great people, the perfect opportunity to find me some family and who knows how to do our markets at the same time," Laszlo proposed.   
-I will take this opportunity to spread the word in the community: we have been part of Baron Afanas' court, we have a new ally that has proven itself," says Nadja as she looks at Nandor before turning to Rose-mary. -I think we need to look at the leashes as well. We probably have some talent to discover.  
-Sounds very pleasant, says Bram.  
-Is this your subtle way of telling us you want to come? Nadja asked.

Bram pouted before answering:  
-It's been a long time since you took me out. And it won't happen again when the baby's here.  
-And how badly do you want to go? Laszlo asked.

It only lasts a second but Nandor sees Bram have a small satisfied smile before bending over to whisper in the couple's ear (despite the fact that Nandor and Rose-Mary heard his proposal very well). Laszlo laughs and Nadja said amused :   
-You depraved boy!  
-I suppose thee'll rattle and hum along then, says the cockney.

Present

Guilermo alone opening Van Helsing's diary

-I have a bad feeling about this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) The rose is something that is explicitly said in Dracula. My best friend loves the concept and is still hoping to see a media where it will be used. The other weaknesses are things that exist in mythology but I don't know if they apply to the show.  
> 2)Sorry this chapter is a bit short but if all goes well, we'll finally get what we're all waiting for ;)


	9. The Way of Peace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The paths of Van Helsing and Nandor finally cross.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lexicon  
> Bearing up: a woman tempts a man to a lonely place where he can be robbed. (yes, Bram is woman)  
> Kathakano: Some kind of Greek vampire-zombie recognizable by its perpetual smile full of sharp teeth.  
> Sorry and sad : Bad  
> Vazey : Stupid.

-I do not know whether my presence is really necessary," began to say Van Helsing.  
-I'd rather not have you too. Don’t take offence, but you'll make a stain on the rest of the guests," replied Holmwood. -But I'll need your help if we have any questions that the Doctor Seward can't answer or Quincy stresses them out too much by comparing the beasts we will hunt to dangerous animals.

Van Helsing hates every moment. He doesn't like social events. And he like to think he could do something else given the urgency of the situation.

Present

Nandor alone.

-I have information... that Nadja and Laszlo don't have. I never got to talk about it with them. I never got to talk about it with anyone.

Flash-Back

-So, you think you can charm her? Nadja asked.  
-Of course, Laszlo assured. -It's very easy to play cuckoo when we are all connected and the same 26 first names are always used. Lady Goldaming will be eating out of my hand by the end of the evening.  
-All right, if you need any of us, don't hesitate. Rosie, be discreet and if you can get something practical in the long run, it would help us.  
-Count on me, says Rose-Mary. -Bram, ya wanna ‘help me ter bearing up?  
-I'd be happy to.  
-Nandor, I know you don't need our permission but enjoy the party! It seems to me that you haven't had time to enjoy the nightlife yet," says Laszlo.  
-It's true that we didn't leave you alone for a second, Nadja realized. -Have some lovely time.  
-With pleasure, I'm going to enjoy the evening," said Nandor, forcing a smile.

The others walk away while Nandor is left alone uncomfortable. He tries to mingle with the others but doesn't succeed. Eventually, he moves away to approach a window and turns into a bat. From there, Nandor flies up to the roof to settle down on the terrace. Once there, he returns to his human form and sighs with relief.

But a voice is being heard:  
-You stole my hideout.

Present

Guillermo reading the diary :  
-I thought I was being clever hiding out on the terrace. I even dropped off some of my things in preparation. What a surprise it was to find a man settling in my hiding place.

Flash-Back

Van Helsing discovers a tall, muscular man with a beard and long black hair. He seemed to be of Arab descent, and was richly dressed.   
-I, uh…  
-Stay here if you like, I shall just get my bag and find myself another place," said Van Helsing.  
-Your bag?

Van Hesling pointed a bag in the corner of the terrace.

-Why did you put your bag here? You wanted to hide a treasure?  
-No," laughed Van Helsing amused. -I just... I'm not good with events. So I was planning a hiding place when it all got too much for me, he confessed.  
-I don't like them too much either, Nandor confessed. -Unless I'm in charge.  
-Same thing, but in my defense, I'd be a pretty bad teacher if I didn't.  
-Professor? What did you teach? Nandor asked curiously.

To Van Helsing's surprise, Nandor handed him his bag and made some place for him.

-Er...Crytozoology, Van Helsing finally said. -It's the study of creatures we don't know if their existence is real.  
-So you have to find out if this animals are real and then the biologists are in charge? Sounds like a really thankless job.  
-A little, but I love it," Van Helsing replied.-What's your career?  
-Military mostly with the Otoman empire, just say Nandor. -Not here yet unless there's a war going on.  
-Let's hope that doesn't happen," laughed Van Helsing.  
-That would be a good excuse for us to leave, Nandor humorously attempted.  
-Oh, you almost tempt me. I don't even understand why I had to be here.  
-New friends invited me to enjoy British social life. They meant well, but I have no idea what the etiquette is.  
-Hell is paved with good intentions. Apart from the social event, do you like England?  
-Yes, it's not bad. Do you have any activities you can recommend?  
-I'm not local, either.  
-Is that so? Never would have guessed. Where are you from?  
-The Netherlands.  
-I love the Netherlands! Everyone is so nice and you have flowers everywhere!  
-I'm glad to hear that.

After a moment's hesitation, Van Helsing said:  
-If we are to tell each other our lives, we may as well do it in good and proper form:my name is Abraham Van Helsing…  
-That your real name? Surprised Nandor asked.  
-Uh... yes?  
-Hell Sing! It's a great last name!  
-Oh, Van Helsing laughs amused. -There's only one L, but I'm glad you like it. And I can't wait to hear yours.  
-Nandor the..De Relenteless!  
-You too have an impressive name, it sounds a bit like the warrior prince of the 13th century. 

Present

Nandor alone.

-Abe was a fascinating, humble and passionate person," says Nandor. -He was so easy not only to listen but also to talk. I've rarely connected with anyone so quickly.

Guillermo alone.

-I confess to my great shame to have easily fallen under the spell of the stranger, read Guillermo.-I made peace a long time ago with the fact that I only love people for their souls and not for the body that God gave them….Van Helsing was queer? And he didn't see it as a flaw?

Guillermo resumes his reading:  
-No, the thing I'm ashamed of is that I didn't realize who I was looking at. All I saw or wanted to see was a man of great beauty, funny and intelligent….There's a drawing... It's my master!

Guillermo shows the drawing to the camera, disturbed by the revelation.

-I thank my professional for what happened next…

Flash-back

Nandor and Van Helsing went on talking with great pleasure. At one point Nandor approaches Van Helsing and tries to kiss him before he is gently pushed away.

-I'm sure it took a lot of courage for you to act and I'm sincerely flattered but I try to avoid seeing anyone when I'm under contract.   
-Contract?  
-Yes, sometimes I'm hired by people who want to prove they've found a cryptic. There are not many of us in the field. Considering what society thinks of people like us and my terrible hours, I don't want to make you run around in circles for nothing.   
-That's very thoughtful of you.

Present

Nandor alone.

-Abe was very nice and always thought other people first, even if they were strangers, Nandor continued. -I would've liked to spend the rest of the night with him, but…

Guillermo alone.

-If I'd made an exception to my rule, I probably would have felt his fangs...Somebody's very insistant about this, said Guillermo before resuming his reading. -But that's when…

Back to the group.

-So the evening is going well so far for all of us, explain Nadja.

Flash Back

-Lady Godaming! How nice to see you again! exclaimed Laszlo.

An elderly woman turned to him in surprise before returning to a neutral expression:  
-Whose did I…  
-Lucius Westenra, forgive my enthusiasm, we haven't been seen for a long time.  
-Oh Lucius! You've grown so much! You're a man now!  
-But you, for example, are as beautiful as ever," says Laszlo with his most beautiful smile.  
-Oh dear boy," said the woman, keeping her hand against Laszlo's waist a little too long. -What's the latest news?  
-Well, I'm engaged to a lovely creature, the daughter of a Voivode. Her name is Wilhelmina.  
-That sounds very exotic, where did you find her?  
-By her cousin, miss Mars. I'm sure you've heard of her: she is a medium of great reputation who inherited her English grace from her father and the third eye of her mother who was born in the East.  
-Fascinating, you spend time with surprising characters!   
-I recognize it and yet, I have under my tutelage two strangers: a noble Ottoman prince who fled his country and converted to our faith and a charming Irish writer that he can get you tickets for the best plays in London.  
-You intrigue me more and more, continued the old woman, getting closer and closer to Laszlo.  
-I'd be happy to come to your house with my little troop if they intrigue you so much," says Laszlo, wondering if the fish would take the bait. 

The cod didn't take long.

-With pleasure, my dear nephew. You, your fiancée, her cousin and your wards are welcome in my house.  
-Thank you from the bottom of my heart dear aunt, we'll come this week...

Present

-I don't understand how she could remember you? Jenna asked. She can't have met you as a child, you were born before her. Also are you hitting on your aunt ?  
-She remembered meeting a young kid from the Westenra house, nothing more and people couldn't keep in touch often because of the distance. And everyone is connected to cousins fucking other cousins, as long as you have a pretty face and can name a couple of family facts, people will assume you're related to them. And she hit on me!  
-I can't believe it's was that easy," says Jenna.  
-Baby, he just told you they've all been marrying cousins for centuries and being told they're better than everyone else. It's really that easy. 

Flash-Back

-We've been invited to the Holdwood house," Laszlo said as he joined his girlfriend.  
-And I found us allies, Nadja said proudly. -We'll have to say a big thank you to Simon the Devious.  
-And I've got to thank that freckle-head because what? He and a couple of his lads are gonna join us?   
-Forty, Laszlo! He can get us 40 young, motivated vampires! Some with incredible potential!  
-...All right, that's not bad.  
-What's not sorry and sad? Rose-Mary asked as she joined them.  
-Simon the Devious can provide us with at least 40 names for our application and Laszlo convinced Auntie Holdwood to receive us, Nadja explained.  
-We bang up the elephant tonight! said the youngest with enthusiasm.  
-How's the tax collection going? Laszlo asked mockingly.

Rose-Mary after taking a look to make sure no one was paying attention to them, once reassured, she began to reveal various jewels, checkbooks and precious objects camouflaged in her dress.

Laszlo had an impressing whistle and Nadja said:  
-Well done, Rosie! A dozen more just like it…  
-Chuckaboo, are ya doubting me? This is me fourf crop of the bleedin’ night. In six evenings, if everyone else aint a penny-pincher, you'll have everything ya ne…

Their conversation is interrupted by a scream of terror.

Present

-Things were going so well, but someone had to ruin the moment, Nandor says frustrated.

Flash-Back

-Maybe we could see each other when you finish your contract, I'm here for a few months," Nandor said as he drew nearer him.  
-Maybe. But I wish I could give you a definite date," said Van Helsing, who did not push him back this time.  
-I have all the time of…

A scream was then heard. Van Helsing leapt to his feet.

-I'm sorry, I have to go!

Nandor sees no fear in his eyes, only worry as he leaves in the direction of the scream. Nandor watches him before making his decision: he hasn't felt like that since Washington...oh no way he's going to let him go!

Present

-There was panic, someone knew that the bloody bastard Van Helsing was there, and decided to let him out by smoking the nest...not giving a damn about the other vampires! Scream angry Nadja

Flash-Back

-Lady and gentlemen, don't panic, started a vampire looking young despite his silver hair dressed as a bohemian. A corpse lay at his feet and at least 3 other vampires were each holding a hostage.

-Tell me it's a bad joke, whines Nadja.  
-Fucking Vazey, Rosie grunted.  
-I need a drink, concludes Laszlo. 

Then Nandor appeared next to them.

-You're back, says Laszlo.  
-Yes, what did I miss?  
-Nothing but you're going to wish it was the bloody case, says fatalistic Nadja.

The young vampire took back what he said:  
-We're here for one person and only one, our Val Purgascrem guy.  
-It's Van Helsing," said a voice. -And I surrender, just let the innocents go, please. 

One of the vampires detailed him from head to toe before asking:  
-Is this the guy?  
-Yes, it's me. But if you have any doubts, test me please," continued Van Helsing.  
-I say it's crap! He's lying to be a hero, says another.  
-Let's test it," said the last one with a sadistic smile.

He was holding a girl who was barely 15 years old. He began scratching his claws against her neck down to her blouse, bleeding her and tearing her clothes. The girl began to sob while the vampire winked at Van Helsing, looked as though he had begun to lick the blood.

-The little shit, grunted Nadja ready went to settle the situation herself but Nandor's holding her back.

Present

-I thought I saw something in him and wanted my confirmation," Nandor explained.

Flash-Back

Van Helsing pretended to step forward ...and then slipped.

-I knew ...AAAAAAAHHH

Van Helsing had dropped holy water in his fall, which had passed through the vampire's unsealed shoes. As he released his prey in pain, his surprised companions diverted their attention. It was fatal to them.

The girl runs away. Meanwhile Van Helsing drove a stake through the chest of her former assailant. One of the vampires wanted to help his companion, but Van Helsing drove a thin silver stake through his eye. The vampire screamed as he tried to remove it, but the weapon had reached his brain, killing him. The third abandoned his prey to discover a jaw that he opened from ear to ear.

-A Kathakano? said Van Helsing intrigued.  
-What did you call me? Asked the Kathakano vampire.  
-I am sorry, my mistake," said Van Helsing, and then he staked the stake which he had hidden in his suit in the chest of his assailant.

The last vampire looks at the remains of his companions in horror before turning into a bat. Van Helsing rolled his eyes before throwing the contents of another bottle of holy water at the flying mammal. The creature fell half-melted to the ground, and Van Helsing crushed it with his heel to put an end to its suffering.

Nadja, Laszlo and Rose-Mary were a reaction of disgust at the sound of crushed bones. Nandor, on the other hand, felt his blood warm in his veins.

Present

-It's a cliché, but...who doesn't like bad boys with tender hearts? Nandor asked, a little embarrassed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) At last they met. I'm sorry I've kept you waiting for so long.  
> 2) They'll meet again soon, I promise.  
> 3)The backstory given by Laszlo is based on real Victorian novels.  
> 4)So before I'm told it's too easy, one of Bram Stoker's books (The lair of the white worn) has an unknown young man from Australia (even if the only thing he says about Australia is that there are no poisonous snakes there...yes really) arrives at his distant relative's house and even if strange things happen with him and he has a lot red flag with him ...No, we trust him, because he's a beautiful Englishman who can quote a family fact list. And I could find a bunch of other examples.


End file.
